Dream the Impossible Dream

I've been thinking lately... about wishes, and dreams. And I've been secretly building this new dream, one that looks fairly sketchy. It makes me happy to dream it, and scared that it won't come true. I've wondered if I should just kill it, or if I should just dream it anyways.

And then I remembered this great movie called "Secondhand Lions." Seen it? It's a very cute movie, and one of the main themes is that you choose what you want to believe in; just because something isn't true, realistic or even plausible does not mean you shouldn't believe it.

I'll bet most of us believe seemingly impossible things every day without realizing it. Impossible things regularly occur that we never stop to think about. Flowers bloom, people change, and because we get used to these small wonders we don't stop and think about how everything in life is miraculous.

So. I am going to choose to believe what I want. Even if other's may call it foolish, because God is over all. And because he is over all, and because I believe he wants me to be happy, I am going to feel free to dream big impossible dreams and believe in impossible miracles.

=D

I have recently fallen in love with the song "Smile" by Uncle Kracker. My favorite line is "I see the best of me inside your eyes." But really the whole thing makes me smile. When I listen to it I can't help but sing along; I think this is because it described so well and made me think of how I felt about a certain 'someone.'

So for a past few days when things with "him" became different than they used to be, listening to this song would cause me to burst into tears. As I've healed though, and really accepted what has happened, I've found myself loving it again. When it comes on the radio it brings with it a twinge of sadness, but then I start to smile because it causes me to remember some really incredible memories. And then I realize that I'm no longer crying because it's over, but I'm smiling because it happened. And that is such a liberating feeling! Life really is great, and smiling is pretty much one of the best activities ever; regardless of what it is making you smile :D


Smile

You're better then the best
I'm lucky just to linger in your light
Cooler than the flip side
Of my pillow, that's right

Completely unaware
Nothing can compare to where
You send me, lets me know that it's okay
Yeah, it's okay
And the moments where my good times start to fade

You make me smile like the sun, fall out of bed
Sing like bird, dizzy in my head
Spin like a record, crazy on a Sunday night

You make me dance like a fool, forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Oh, you make me smile

Even when you're gone,
Somehow you come along just like
A flower pokin' through the sidewalk crack
And just like that
You steal away the rain, and just like that

You make me smile like the sun, fall out of bed
Sing like bird, dizzy in my head
Spin like a record, crazy on a Sunday night

You make me dance like a fool, forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Oh, you make me smile

Don't know how I lived without you
'Cause every time that I get around you
I see the best of me inside your eyes
You make me smile

You make me dance like a fool, forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild

You make me smile like the sun, fall out of bed
Sing like bird, dizzy in my head
Spin like a record, crazy on a Sunday night

You make me dance like a fool, forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Oh, you make me smile
(Oh, you make me smile)
Oh, you make me smile
(Oh, you make me smile)
Oh, you make me smile

Broken Hearts

I just read a quote that I can really relate to right now... it said "Broken hearts give us strenth and understanding and compassion." I had never thought of that before.

I've been really bad at blogging this past month. Mostly because I've been busy, and because I have been head over heels for my 'boyfriend.'

Well... technically he's not my boyfriend anymore, and my heart is broken. I think that he is still going to come with me for a week in August to visit my family, at least I really hope he will, (and I'm still excited about that,) and I believe that there is potential for us maybe dating again at a later time. Right now for us though it just isn't right. We decided we are still going to be wonderful friends, and we decided that instead of saying it's a 'break-up' that we are going to call it 'stepping back.'

Honestly no matter what you call it it still hurts. But I am at peace with it. I've gotten stronger the past few days. I've been crying some, but they've been cleansing tears. I've been praying a lot, and I've realized that Heavenly Father has something he needs me to do right now, and this 'stepping back' needed to happen in order for me to do it. I've remembered that I am a strong person who can stand on her own two feet and whose happiness is independent of other people's actions. It was a good thing for me to remember.

So yes I think it's safe to say that my heart is a bit broken right now... but I think it's given me strength and understanding and compassion that I would not have had if things hadn't happened the way they did.

For all you other's out there who know what it is to have a broken heart, I can now empathize with you. And for all you out there who like me, used to be terrified of ever having a broken heart... don't be quite so scared of it. It hurts yes, but the things you learn from it are priceless. I've come to realize that no matter what, faith and hope are choices, and it's possible to have a lot of both, even if you aren't sure in what. As long as you remember that God is in control and knows what will make you happy then a broken heart can be a blessing.

So Bennett... if you ever read this, please know I'm not upset. I don't regret one minute of time we spent together. I do regret anything I said or did that might have made you hurt at all, and I'm sorry if I did. I've been able to grow a lot, and I'll always be grateful for what you taught me. Thanks for being my friend.

Decisions

So I've been thinking lately about lots of different things... and I've come to a couple interesting conclusions, and raised a lot of questions for myself.

1. I think way too much. This falls under the category of conclusions.

2. I'm a more complicated individual than I thought I was. (Also a conclusion.)

3. I really wish that I could understand people better.

4. If I could see the outcome of possible decisions and scenario's would I choose to view them before making a decision?? This should be an easy question... but it isn't for me.

5. I need to work on being more patient.

6. Is happiness just found in the little things? I'm leaning towards the conclusion that it's a combination of little AND big things....

7. I thought I knew what I needed to be happy... and I'm pretty sure I still do, but I'm not sure how to define what some of those things look like anymore.

8. What does a body (specifically me) truly NEED to be happy?

9. How much does getting what you really want help overall life satisfaction?

10. What if you really want one thing, and you know that you might need something different? Which one do you pick if you can only have one?

11. Is it easier to change what your head says or what your heart says?


... Like I said. I think too much.

Summer Fun

I have been awake for the past.... 17 hours maybe? And I only got three and a half hours of sleep last night. Therefore: I am very tired and what I type may not make sense. Just to warn you.
Therefore #2: I have gotten myself all ready for bed, and was about to crawl under my covers... ( I know right, me going to bed at 8 o'clock at night... crazy but true ) when I remembered that my Mommy was going to help me fix a yucky ingrown toenail that I happen to have. I tried to fix it myself a few days ago, but it still is yucky... anyways. So I came up the stairs, and asked her what I should do. My parents ordered a good 30-45 minute soak in salt water for my feet. So now I'm sitting here with my feet all toasty and being massaged in the nice foot massage bath my Mom happens to have, and wishing desperately that I were in bed with my eyes closed instead. At least I'm not running around I guess...

But anyways. Since I am sitting here trying to kill half an hour I decided that it was well past time to revisit my blog. And what better to blog about than vacation! (At least I think that is more interesting than an ingrown toenail...)

Bear Lake is one of my favorite places ever! Spending the whole week up there with my family and Bennett was lots and lots of fun. I think every single one of my family members threw in a marriage comment somehow--- which made things more interesting. We got to go canoeing one day, which I recommend except if you are allergic to mosquitos. I managed to avoid a sunburn for the week! Wahoo! We got in some good banana rides, and I taught Bennett a thing or two about how to have fun on a wave runner. Overall I think that it was a fantastic success of a vacation! And now I think that instead of trying to tell you about the whole week, I will post a few pictures so that you can experience a bit of it visually :D