"I'm sorry Gaston, I just don't deserve you..."

Ever been told that someone else 'isn't good enough for you?'

How about "They just don't deserve you." Gotten that one too?

Those two phrases are starting to drive me crazy. I've been told both of them many times. Sometimes the person speaking is referring to a specific individual, and sometimes they are simply referring to boys in general. Most of the time people are trying to give me a form of unwanted consolation. (Either that or they are trying to give me adivce on the caliber of boy I should choose.) But anywho... they use these phrases frequently, and like I stated earlier... it really kind of annoys me when people say them; I've had a hard time figuring out why the use of these phrases bothers me, and I think I've finally got it. Most of the time people use them synonymously, but I've decided that they definitely don't mean the same thing.

In my personal opinion there are plenty of boys out there who are "good enough" for me. However, I have yet to find one that 'deserves' me.

That sounds super egotistical and cocky... so please allow me to explain.

Let's say two people are a applying for a scholarship. They both meet all the requirements to get the scholarship, however one of the individuals, (we'll call him Joe) wants it more than the other (we'll call him Bob). So they both set out to get it. Joe puts together a great application; he puts a lot of thought and time into the application and he does everything he knows how to do in order to prove to the award committee that he is the best person to recieve the scholarship. He submits the application two weeks early, and then religiously checks up on it to see if he will get the award. Bob on the other hand, throws together a last minute application, submits it's the day it's due, and waits to be contacted in order to find out if he has recieved it.

To me, it's obvious who deserves the scholarship more. Both Bob and Joe meet the requirements to get the scholarship... in essence, they are "good enough" to get it. However Joe wants it more than Bob does. Joe does everything he knows how to do in order to win it. Joe deserves it.

Ok... I know, I know. I'm not a scholarship, no girl is. However the principle (in my mind at least) is the same.

No boy deserves me yet, because no boy has cared enough yet to do everything he knows how to do in order to 'win' me. If you are a witness to my future dating life, feel free to tell me that a boy doesn't deserve me, because it may be true, and it'll probably be something I need to think about. I've decided I won't marry someone who doesn't deserve me, because I NEED to know that they are crazy enough about me to do whatever it takes to win me. I will gladly welcome your thoughts on this. But please be careful when you tell me that any boy isn't 'good enough' for me, because most of the time I think that will be a big silly lie.

The Pretty Girl Theory

Tonight I found myself talking to Alan. For some reason... I'm not exactly sure how it came up... but we were talking about my nonexistent dating life. Alan told me that the reason I don't often get asked out is because I am 'too amazing.'

I was extremely tempted to argue with him, but I bit my tongue, and thanked him for the complement.

He was proud of me for doing so :D

BUT. I don't believe that lie. I mean seriously, how many of us have heard the whole: "well, you are too intimidating, you are beautiful and amazing, so all the boys are too afraid to ask you out" spiel? Do any of you really buy it?

I never have. I've always felt that the 'you are too amazing and intimidating' line was just a fancy way of saying "I don't know what is wrong with you, but I'd like to make you feel better, so if I tell you that you're amazing that might just get me off the hook of having to say anything else."

So... I decided to tell Alan that I've never believed that line. And then he decided to share with me his 'Pretty Girl Theory' -- which he said I was a classic example of.

His theory went something like this:
You see weird crazy girls getting married all the time... which causes other girls, who aren't quite so bizarre, to sit back and think, 'what the heck is wrong with me?' But really... the only thing that is wrong, is that they are too pretty and too intimidating for the nice humble mormon boys to ask out, because these boys think that they aren't good enough to get a beautiful, nice, and cool girl. They won't ask the pretty ones out, because they figure there are lots of 'better guys,' therefore she couldn't want to be with them.
So then, there are also the jerk mormon guys, who will only ask out the really pretty girls, because all they want to do is have some fun, until the girl dumps him, and then he moves on.
So, when you get a girl who is both beautiful, and who sticks up for herself and lives her standards, then you run into a problem. Because all the normal guys are too scared, all the jerk guys won't bother because they know she won't put up with them, and that leaves the girl sitting at home wondering why the only guys who ever occasionally call are the extremely bizarre ones that can sometimes be a little creepy.

Ok. Does anyone else think that this is just an elaborate edition of the 'you are too intimidating' line? Cause I think it kind of is. I know plenty of girls who are both completely beautiful, and talented and amazing, and they are dating wonderful guys. So what I wanted to ask was... why does the "Pretty Girl Theory" apply to me and not to them?

Now I have to quickly insert a disclaimer. ***I am not complaining that I am not currently dating anyone. I am happy as a clam at the moment, and quite enjoying being single. This is all just food for thought, because I'm tired of trying to convince people they don't need to feel bad for me.***
Now that that's off my chest and clarified....

The terrible thing about this scenario tonight was that I couldn't tell him that I didn't buy into what he was saying... because he was sitting there telling me that I am beautiful and wonderful and great, which is super flattering (even though the guy telling me that wasn't doing so directly, and is engaged to another girl...) And how can you tell someone they are full of it, when they are feeding your ego in such a sincere and unassuming way?

Ok. So now my last question: all you girls out there who the "Pretty Girl Theory" seems to apply to... do you buy into this line? And I hope your answer is no, because what I really want to know is... what do you say to all the well-meaning "attached" people who give it to you?

How do you graciously get them to quit feeding you this junk?