Musings and Men

I began typing out my musings in a typical blog post... and then realized that dear-men letters would be a much more appropriate format for expressing part of what I'm thinking. So yes, 6 days before I enter the MTC I am writing to some of the men of my world:

Dear Workaholic,
You may act like you're a little rough around the edges, and we may give each other what borders on slightly too much crap, but I think you're all gooey on the inside and I secretly appreciate you for that. Thanks for the help. You didn't have to give it but you did, and I'm not going to forget it. Thanks for laughing at my jokes, even when they were dumb, and for teasing me mercilessly. I just need that sometimes.
Sincerely,
A not-THAT-irreverent soul

Dear Cowboy,
In spite of promises to myself not too... I have to confess I had a mini-crush on you for a week or two. Don't worry, we're good now... hope that doesn't weird you out. What can I say? You are just so darn GOOD. You make me think, laugh, and every time I left hanging out with you I found myself resolving to be a better person. I love who I am when I am with you, and the fact that I feel I can trust you with pieces of me that I don't tell other people about. Thanks for dropping everything and coming to my rescue when I needed it.
Sincerely,
I still think we think too much alike :)

Dear Superman,
You amaze me. Your confidence and energy and zest for life, in spite of the fact that you haven't had it easy. You keep the spirit close, and it's incredible to watch you. Thanks for being my friend, and for caring, and for talking to me despite the difficulty you have trusting people. People often surprise us with how amazing they are underneath, and you've helped me see that - I hope you've been able to see that in other people too. Please keep in touch -- I look forward to the day when you find what you are looking for.
Sincerely,
That friend who keeps you up way too late

Dear I'mhavingareallyhardtimethinkingofanappropriatenicknameforyou,
Um... wasn't expecting that the other night. But thanks for having the guts to talk to me. Thanks for putting up with me - and for... in your own way... even hinting that you care about me. You've always had this way of making me feel like you can see straight through me, and it's always made me nervous... so I hope you'll forgive me for those times when I wasn't as good to you and open with you as I probably should have been. I've learned a lot from you, even when our conversations were frustrating I was grateful that they pushed me to think in ways I otherwise wouldn't have. For the record, I think you are great, and you deserve to be happy. And not just the mildly content sort, but the tingly I-can't-believe-I-am-so-blessed kind of happy. I hope you find it soon.
Sincerely,
Just me

Dear Smiley,
It's been a pleasure. I can honestly say that I feel much less awkward flirting in part thanks to you. Granted... the skill will probably completely disappear while on my mission. Mind a play date/refresher course when I get back? That is assuming you are still single of course. Thanks for being a good friend and checking on me every now and again.
Sincerely,
Thanks for complimenting my calves

Dear Father,
Thanks for giving me all these friends for a season. Thanks for showing me that awesome men in this world don't come in a limited supply. Each of these men I've written to are righteous men who honor their Priesthood- and that is incredible to me. Can I please have someone similar to them at some point? And will you please bless him 'cause that poor boy is having to wait a long time for me to finish up my chores...
Sincerely,
Your daughter

Dear Prince Charming,
Sorry to keep you waiting. Please be patient a little longer... Australia needs me for 18 months. And I think I need Australia too. But after May 2014 please come find me.
Love,
Krystal

Mission Farwell

Saturday I found myself about to blow a fuse. Trapped inside my own brain, and about ready to go insane.... Luckily a friend rescued me, and let me talk it out at the park. Then I came home and ran - it was one of those times when you just need to move, and the burn and shortness of breath feels so good because it's a release and a distraction. Let's just say I was excited and nervous and overwhelmed.

I fell asleep that night, and woke without an alarm around 5:30 the next morning. I lay in bed for about a half an hour before getting up to get dressed... On especially anticipated mornings I usually wake up obscenely early without an alarm - an odd quirk of mine I guess.

I arrived at the chapel early, and then watched in awe as it began to fill with people I love. Some had come from far away, and who had made considerable effort to come. The meeting began, and I teared up as I realized that at least half of the congregation was there for me. Just because they love and care about me.

My talk went fairly well I think - I didn't break down in tears, and I think I managed to say what it is that I wanted to. I bore my testimony, and then spent the next few hours hugging people I love.

Can I just say that I love hugs? Due to this fact, Sunday was one of the best days ever. I got some great hugs. It was difficult to hug some people and realize I won't get to again for a very long time, but that's the nature of the game I guess.

A few of my friends who had come all the way from Logan for my farewell came to my house afterwards. Riley expressed his condolences that he hadn't made it to go dancing with me all summer - and then Dalon pointed out that there was a perfectly good kitchen floor present. So I danced in the kitchen with those two boys, both of whom I adore from the depths of my heart. Never dared to dream I'd find a man that would danced with me in the kitchen... who'd have thunk I'd find two on the very Sunday I say goodbye to the world to leave as a missionary? Haha. My life is so awesomely ironic sometimes.

Sunday night rolled around. I'd had a great time with my family, a good chance to play my oboe in a rehearsal, and was all around feeling superb. I was exhausted, but had enjoyed my day so thoroughly that I didn't want it to go to bed, cause that means it'd be over...

I wonder if this is kind of how my mission will be. I'll begin with nervous excitement. Then I'll run around like crazy- working hard and having many poignant moments. Moments where I feel pure joy, but also moments of sadness - and it'll all pass by in a whirlwind, and when I get to the end I won't want to be done, cause I know that it won't come again. I'll want to wake up the next morning and live it all over again....

I kind of hope that's how it goes anyways :)

In my dream last night

I opened my mission call. And it said I was going to Hong Kong. I love Hong Kong, so I was totally fine with it. But I had to learn Mandarin.

Which secretly terrifies me, (even though I know if it really happened I'd be fine). Because Mandarin is HARD and after 4 months of living in China I know next to none of it.

Yeah....

Yeah..........

Peeps,

It's not coming today. Or tomorrow. Because the Bishop told me I've yet to be assigned.

*SIGH*

If I'm lucky

my call will come tomorrow. And at approx. 8:40 pm I'll be finding out where I'll get to serve for 18 months of my life.

I'm kind of dying right now. I don't work Tuesdays, and don't have a single thing planned today. Which was a really bad idea on my part. Because that means I'm sitting at home, wondering, and wishing it were tomorrow already, and contemplating how bad my already intense emotional state will be if by some horrible twist of fate my call doesn't come tomorrow.

Say a little prayer for me that it will. I don't know if I can handle having a queasy stomach for an extra week...

Sister Johnson

Tonight I had the opportunity to with my dear friend Sharlee to watch her be set apart as a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. She will be serving in Cambodia. I am so excited for her it is slightly ridiculous.
Sunday when I went to her farewell I had a lot of people ask me if I knew her very well at all. I would chuckle and say "we were best friends in third grade." But really, that doesn't even begin to cover it. Sharlee has always been there for me - she is such a bright spot in my life and I feel so grateful to have known her and seen her genuine goodness. She loves everyone around her, and her patience is neverending. I can testify to this because she's put up with me for years and years. From being my first real elementary school friend, to my locker partner in highschool, and then eventually my roommate in college, she has always brightened my day when I have been graced with one of her smiles. She's taught me a lot about chairty and selflessness and hard work.
I shed a few tears tonight when I had to say goodbye to her. I am such a proud roommate. I wept during her talk on Sunday when she spoke of a very special moment I was able to share with her last semester at school. I feel like a basket case, but those tears are a testament to how much I love her - I don't cry over just anybody.
When she first started the mission paper process I thought we'd be going through it together. Right now the Lord has different plans for me, and for a while I was slightly jealous of her. But I can honestly say that since the moment I watched her open her mission call I haven't felt jealous. I've only felt excitement and love for her. She is on the Lord's errand, and she let's nothing stand in her way. One day I'm going to be like her.

But anyways. Dear Sharlee, or Sister Johnson (since that's what you'll be for the next 18 months) I love you. I can't wait to see you in a year and a half, and I want you to know how much I adore you. Thanks for being there for me. You don't know how much you've blessed my life.

Those Cambodian people sure are lucky that she'll be there with them for the next year and a half. Good luck Sister Johnson!

Missionary Experience!

I had the coolest experience on saturday!
I was at work at the Mayan, and it was dreadfully slow.... so I went and got my scriptures, propped them open on the front desk, and was reading them while I waited for people to greet. Around noonish I left them sitting open on the desk for a few minutes to go clean some windows, and when I came back, a server that I didn't know was completely absorbed in my Doctrine and Covenants.
I was surprised, but didn't mind at all, so I just let her read. After a minute or two she asked who's scriptures they were, and then asked me how to reference the heading to section 132 so that someone else would know which part she wanted them to read. This kind of told me that she isn't really familiar with the church... so I helped her out, and then she continued reading. A few minutes later, she asked if she could take my scriptures to read on her smoking break. Funny right?

About 5 hours later I hadn't seen her or my scriptures reappear. And I admit I was a bit nervous about it. I didn't know who she was, or what had happened to my Quad. So I found out her name, and then headed to the 2nd floor to hunt her down to ask her if she still had them with her.

When I found her, she apologized for keeping them so long, and explained that it had been such a slow day, she had hardly anything to do, so she had been reading. She then asked if she could keep them until one of us got off work, because she wanted to continue reading.

I was amazed. I cannot say I've ever spent that long at once in the D&C, and I've grown up in the church! At this point I started getting really excited, and asked her if she had any questions about what she was reading. She asked one about the commandments, and another about the word of wisdom, and it was fun to chat with her about it.

Now, I'm already thinking this is really cool. But it's about to get even cooler, so hold on.

The night before I was at my Grandparents house sleeping over, and they had told me that my Papa's neice worked at the Mayan and asked me if I knew her. Apparently this gal (my cousin once removed) has had a rough life. Her Mom abused drugs and her Dad was completely inactive. Now what does this side note have to do with the server reading my Quad? That's right... they are the same person. Crazy sauce huh?

So we made this connection, and there was much exclaiming and smiling all around. At this point I'm desperately wishing there was some way I could help her more without coming across as overbearing. So I run out to my car, and grab my triple that I used in seminary. It's got some papers stuffed in it, some highlighted passages, and a tiny bit of water stain on the top of the front page, but other than that it's in great condition. I ran it up the stairs to her about 1/2 an hour before my shift ended, and told her that I'd love it if she'd take it home to have and read.

She was so excited, and that made me excited, and I've been excited every time I think about it ever since.

Isn't this gospel of Jesus Christ a wonderful thing? I'm continually amazed at how many missionary experiences are waiting to knock us over the head if we just open our eyes and do our best to live the teachings of the gospel and be an example to all those around us. Heavenly Father really does guide our footsteps so we can help others.

I don't know what is going on in this womans life. I don't know if she'll keep reading and asking questions. I don't have any idea if I will ever get to talk to her again about it. I hope I do though.

What I do know is that I did what I could. Whatever happens in her life, I came away better for the experience, and I am so grateful that Heavenly Father gave it to me.