What if?

Tonight I was thinking about Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music. You remember that part right after the intermission? Reverend Mother tells her that she has to go back and 'face her fears.' So she shows up only to learn that the man she's in love with is engaged to be married to someone else.

Of course he becomes un-engaged shortly thereafter and comes to propose to her instead... but I was thinking. Julie went back. What do you think she was planning on doing when she realized that her hopes for ending up with the Captain were dashed? Go back to the convent? Puhleeze. We all know she wouldn't really be happy there. I mean really? What would she have done if it weren't the movies and he hadn't come to his proper senses?

This question has been bothering me. I hope you have an insight you can share.

Piece of Journal Entry Dated August 28, 2011

It’s true that the most important moment we have is the one we’re living right now. The past is past. We’ve lived, made mistakes, triumphed some, and hopefully learned a little. The future should be prepared for, but it isn’t here yet. My dear friend is always citing the motto ‘Viva la Vida’ - live the life. We only get each moment once. And each of us has only one life to life. I don’t know about you, but I’d like to make mine as beautiful as I can. I’d like to be able to look back when I’m old and feel content with the life I’ve lived, knowing that I didn’t waste any part of it waiting for something to happen to me. I’d like to happen to the world instead.

Dilemma:

My roommies are trying to talk me into getting a Chinese fish. Which is slightly odd considering we only have 2 weeks left here in China. But whatever.

The thing is: as awesome as it would be to have a Chinese fish (my roommates have pre-named him and everything) --- I just don't know that I feel good about betraying Fender in that way.

Thoughts?

Cookie Cutter

Tonight I managed to root through an apartment and classroom and find enough food to make a snack for 48 children tomorrow. Which is no mean task considering the fact that our apartment usually has next to no food in it.

And so. As I stood over our table, ladling spoonfuls of jello into cups and peeling clementines, I contemplated. Call me egotistical, but I was contemplating myself. And I didn't know whether to be disgusted or proud.

Not to toot my own horn, but 'the bubble' I grew up in has managed to produce the cookie cutter image of a future housewife. I'm a special ed degree with a current teaching license. I cook. (Rather well I might add.) I clean. (After three summers working custodial, I can clean anything.) I sew. (Quilts, clothes, pillows.... you name it.) Function well on little sleep. Do hair. (6 younger sisters....) Understand RS. Play the piano. And yeah. You're getting the picture.

So yes. I contemplated. And I didn't come to a solid conclusion. Am I solidly accomplished? Or simply just too cookie-cutter-esque? Perhaps both?

I'm afearing it's a distinct possibility. Guess I'll have to keep working on diversifying my repertoire. 

Tiana and the Beast

So I'm kind of a Disney girl. Which shouldn't come as a surprise to you. And so I like Disney conversations. Which also shouldn't come as a surprise :)

So Saturday we were sitting on a bus coming home from the underground market, which is a long bus ride. And when you stick 5 of us girls together, who all happen to be Disney fans, we end up with some fun conversations.

It started off with some Princess-typing. (Which for those of you who aren't aware: is when you figure out the answer to the question 'If we were all Disney Princesses/heroines who would we each be?') Princess typing can be a muchly fun past time. Especially when you start analyzing personalities and really getting into it. It becomes especially amusing when you follow the unwritten rule that no one gets to pick their own type. You have absolutely no say in who you end up being.

So yes. We decided after some extensive debate which princess was which. We had some slightly less than happy with the results sort of people... but life is tough. BUT THEN. Then it got even more fun... because someone decided that it should not stop at princess-typing. In fact, we went simply hog-wild after that and decided that next we needed to pick which princes would be ideal for each of us. And that... oh man. So fun.

In case you are curious as to the results:

GIRL = PRINCESS/HEROINE ..... IDEAL PRINCE/HERO

Megan = Snow White ..... Eric from the Little Mermaid

Emma = Megera ..... Captain Phoebus from Hunchback of Notre Dame

Elizabeth = Ariel ..... Aladdin 

Anna = Pocahontas ..... Phillip from Sleeping Beauty

Krystal = Tiana ..... Beast (aka Adam) from Beauty and the Beast

I could break down the extensive decision making process for you... but you might just fall asleep if you aren't as big of Disney fans as we are. So I will just assure you that each of these decisions actually make total sense.... in a weird sort of way. Despite the interestingness of the couple matches... haha.

Good times. Good times :)

Soul Searching

I've been thinking a lot lately.

And writing letters. These take the form of thoughtful e-mails, scribbled postcards, word documents frantically typed....

some sent. Some not.

Because when you are in China, away from everything, seemingly life itself even, you have a lot of time to examine things. Yourself. Your life. What you want. What you dream about. Things you didn't know you were grateful for.

You also realize who you miss. Who you are homesick for. Some people you expected to feel the pangs for --- others take you by surprise.

Also. You think about the fact that the future is your own to decide. I've been put here in China with 6 of Heavenly Father's beautiful daughters. We just got stuck together. I love them. I'm learning a lot from them. And being with them, as well as pondering my other roommate situations, has caused me to think about the difference between choosing to be stuck with someone, and just getting stuck. And while sometimes getting stuck with someone can be a huge blessing... it's nice to know that when it comes to eternity I get to choose the people I'm stuck with. Well... one of them at least.

I'm also grateful to realize that I can get along with just about anybody if I choose to. Which I rarely choose not to.

So yeah. I've had a lot of time to think about the people that are most important. People who I want to be stuck with forever. People who maybe don't matter quite as much as I thought they did.

I've also had time to think about what the crap I want to do when I get home. Who I want to be with. What I want to do. And sometimes... well... most of the time, thinking about it makes me so confused.... but not in a necessarily frustrating way. Just in a "I don't know what the crap will happen... but that's actually surprisingly ok" sort of way.

So yeah. Being in China has been good for me. For lots and lots and lots of reasons. But one of the big ones: I've had time to let my need to plan ever aspect of my life down to the last detail soften. I've realized that sometimes God doesn't expect us to hammer down the details of our lives 4 years in advance. Sometimes it's ok to not know. To trust. To find yourself suddenly in a situation you weren't expecting, but that by coping with can bring you great blessings.

Isn't it funny how becoming so confused can also make me discover a part of myself that I didn't really know before?

One Day More

If you could relive one time in your life, what would it be?

Would it be the perfect day? That one that left you crying at night because of how simply beautiful life was...

Would it be that week when everything seemed to go your way? When you overcame something hard, smiled with friends... stayed up late at night, laughing until your stomach hurt...

And if you could relive that moment, that week, day, month, hour, whatever it is.... would it be as sweet? More sweet? Less so?

Occasionally God gives me times when life is perfect. I'm completely contented and happy. And even though I know that such times cannot last long, I am grateful for them. Because they give me something to strive for. Because each time life has become that way it's been because I've worked hard and followed the Spirit. Sometimes when life gets rough I need to remind myself how beautiful life is. How delicious those times taste. God wants to give me those moments.

I'm excited for my next one.

Love Love Love

This song. For multiple reasons. That's all. 

I think today....

I'll go to China.

Sound like a good idea to you?

Yup. China. Seems like a happening place to be. Ha!

So yes. Today is the long awaited day my friends. I am braving the unknown, heading into a completely crazy sitamacation, and I'm so excited. SO SO excited. I'll be there for the next 4 months.

It's kinda crazy how life turns out sometimes. When I stop and think about how everything has fallen so perfectly together to allow me this opportunity-- I can't deny that it's what the Lord wants me to be doing now. I'm all packed, I'm pumped, and I am ready to go. The only thing I'm not ready for is saying goodbye to my family. That one will be tough.

I've created a special blog for my Chinese adventuring. krystalinchina.blogspot.com. I'll be posting pictures and updates of my adventures. Therefore: this blog here you are reading might feel a little bit neglected for the next few months. I'll probably still pop in to muse occasionally, but if you'd like to read about Chinese adventures, and you are getting frustrated that they aren't showing up here -- you'll need to head on over to my other site.

Goodbye for now my friends! Or as they say in China: ZAI JIAN!

Foolish Pride

Sometimes I feel simultaneously as if I'm too old and too young. Like an awkward teenager during her growth spurt. All of a sudden my body is big. All of a sudden I can reach things and go places and have privileges I've never had before.... and I start to think I'm pretty hot stuff. People are kind and tell me nice things about yours truly. I let it go to my head.... and I start to think that I can conquer the world all by myself.

And then in one moment, I trip. And as I lay on the metaphorical sidewalk assessing my minor bruises (that don't feel so minor in the moment) --- I realize that I'm still a little girl.  And my pompous and rather foolish prideful behavior and attitudes are really just a mask for the child inside who is trying to prove something that she shouldn't need to and (quite frankly) can't prove. 

I am such a hypocrite. 

I could sit here and tell you all the blasted reasons that I have which compel me to try to prove I can be completely independent..... I could show you the countless times I've spurned help, or barely accepted it and only because I've consoled myself by thinking that I'm 'allowing' the other person to give service.... and then I'll turn around and tell everyone with conviction that God put us here to help each other, and that no one can make it by his or herself. I'll sit up at night wishing that the world wasn't 'leaving me behind' --- and then I'll get up in the morning and do everything I can to convince myself and the world that I want to be left behind.

So I guess this post is a confession. And an apology. Mostly to God, but also to all the people have been hurt by my pride. Myself included. I've been a coward. 

Luckily God is good at humbling the proud. And I will try to do better. You'll probably need to be patient with me though, because for me it's going to be a very long road, and a very uphill battle.... 

Fat Face

It hurts.

And when I told Alyssa that I was finding out what it's like to be ugly, her 'consolation' came in the sentence: "Oh Krystal, you're not ugly.... you're just deformed."

Oh how I love honest friends. They make bad situations so much funnier :)

Papa Hugs

My Papa gives the best hugs in the whole world. It has always been my firm belief that there is absolutely NOTHING that a Papa hug cannot help make better.

Papa is my Mother's Father. This afternoon I got a hug from him before I left his house. I got back in the car to drive home, and as I raised my arm to wave I caught a distinct whiff of his cologne. I grinned from ear to ear, because Papa hugs often linger in this way. I can't think of a single person in the whole world whose cologne I would rather have stick to me. Not that there aren't numerous yummy smelling men in this world, but none of their smells makes me feel even remotely as secure as the smell of a Papa hug does.

One day when I meet a man who can hug 1/2 as well as my Papa --- I'll be a goner. Toast. Head over heels for a man who can hug. Hehehe.

Do you believe in coincidence?

They say hind-sight is 20/20. When I look back at my life I never cease to marvel how even small things wove themselves into the fabric of my story, and have made the tapestry take a beautiful, albeit extremely unexpected twist into a beautiful and elaborate design. And I look back, I realize how vital some random things were, and how other things that, at the time, I thought might be important, weren't half as important as I thought they were.

Last night my boss asked me a question about my personal life. He is like a big brother to me, we talk about a lot of things; he's helped me in many ways. But last night, those 4 little VERY unexpected words that came out of his mouth caused my heart to leap in a way that I haven't felt since.... well anyways.

And a good hour later, when we were still on the same subject (a subject which has to do with me and another person) --- he turned to me and said, "You know. I don't know what the crap is compelling me to talk to you about this."

Because he was talking to me about a ship that has already sailed in my life. A book that I had firmly closed. And while the conversation was fascinating, it's also been frustrating.... because it's made my heart remember things that I had forgotten. Things that were a relief to forget.

And so I sit and ask myself: is this conversation coincidence? Nothing more than a random walk down memory lane?

Or was something compelling him to ask because I need to think about it again?

It doesn't matter really, cause I won't know till later. And that's actually a relief in this case.

Fit for Adventure

I just bought my first set of Chacos.

As Brian would point out, this is a momentous occasion in my life. Brian is a dear friend of mine; (he advertises chacos in his sleep.... tee hee.)

Now I'm ready for a good hike. Maybe I'll break them in here and then see how they like the mountains in China....

Believe it or not....

This afternoon I got home from work, and noticed that my fish was unusually active. As in: he was wiggling back and forth. A lot.Usually he just chills in the corner of the tank... so I stopped to watch the odd behavior, and realized:

He's wiggling in time to the music. Seriously.

So I watched. And he kept dancing. And I kept watching, and he kept wiggling.

So I turned around, picked up the remote and turned off the music player. At which point, Fender quit wiggling and went back to his corner.

That's right ladies and gents. My fish dances. He dances in time even.

Bet your fish isn't that cool ;)

Trust

I was thinking tonight. You know --- I've come to the conclusion that people in general aren't very trusting creatures. I know I'm not. And I know that a lot of people I know well aren't either. I believe that learning to trust in good things and good people is a necessary part of life. But it's such an incredibly difficult thing to do. So I was musing on the subject, and sometimes when I muse typing my thoughts helps me to begin making sense of my own head. I started to type, I reworded and rewrote and rethought --- and realized that it wasn't going well. So instead of forming my own cohesive statement, I googled the word 'trust' and found some things I liked. Here are a few quotes that go along with my thought processes this evening:

"We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy."  -Walter Anderson 


"The best proof of love is trust." - Unknown


"Without trust, words become the hollow sound of a wooden gong. With trust, words become life itself." -Unknown


"Our distrust is very expensive." -Ralph Waldo Emerson 


A little girl and her father were crossing a bridge.
The father was kind of scared so he asked his little daughter:
"Sweetheart, please hold my hand so that you don't fall into the river." The little girl said:
"No, Dad. You hold my hand."
"What's the difference?" Asked the puzzled father.
"There's a big difference," replied the little girl.
"If I hold your hand and something happens to me, chances are that I may let your hand go. But if you hold my hand, I know for sure that no matter what happens, you will never let my hand go."  -Unknown

So maybe I epically lost on this point.

What point? This is what you may be wondering. Because this must be a realization and a half if Krystal is admitting failure....

Well... it's the pretty girl theory point. And if you want to more fully understand this here post you are reading, you are welcome to check out the Pretty Girl Theory post from way back yonder when.

So. Friday I am at work. And I start a conversation with my supervisor. Eric is pretty much as close to having a big brother as I'll ever get. He's married with an adorable little girl, and loves helping students out with life situations, so I enjoy asking him questions about people and life in general --- he usually has great insights. So back to Friday: I ask him why he thinks guys in general are so afraid of marriage these days. He turns to me, pauses for a moment.... and then asks tentatively, "Can I suggest a better question for you to ask?"
"Sure. Go for it." I reply.
"Well. Krystal... the better question to ask, is 'why are men scared of marrying YOU?"

And I began to chuckle. And despite a small tingling of trepidation in my stomach, I tell him: "That IS a good question. Please enlighten me."

Want to know what he said? It went something like this....

"Well. The problem with you Krystal, is that you are really smart. And most guys, not all, but like... maybe 75% of the population, are super intimidated by that, so they won't go after you...."  and then he keeps going with a watered down version of Alan's 'Pretty Girl Theory.'

So I decided maybe there really is something to the whole gig. Doesn't mean I really like how the system works.... but what can a body do?

ENFJ

So apparently this is my personality profile. Most of it I feel is pretty accurate. If you know me well, you can probably read through and peg the things that are or are not mostly true.

If you feel like taking this test yourself, this site here will help you out :) And if you feel like reading up on the various personalities, this site is where I got my profile information from.

OH yeah. And by the way. According to this my two favorite actors: Sean Connery and Johnny Depp, are also ENFJ's. Take that.

ENFJs are people-focused individuals. They live in the world of people possibilities. More so than any other type, they have excellent people skills. They understand and care about people, and have a special talent for bringing out the best in others. They are focused on understanding, supporting, and encouraging others. They make things happen for people, and get their best personal satisfaction from this.

Because ENFJ's people skills are so extraordinary, they have the ability to make people do exactly what they want them to do. They get under people's skins and get the reactions that they are seeking. 

ENFJ's are so externally focused that it's especially important for them to spend time alone. This can be difficult for some ENFJs, because they have the tendency to be hard on themselves when alone. Consequently, ENFJs might avoid being alone, and fill their lives with activities involving other people. ENFJs tend to define their life's direction and priorities according to other people's needs, and may not be aware of their own needs. It's natural to their personality type that they will tend to place other people's needs above their own, but they need to stay aware of their own needs so that they don't sacrifice themselves in their drive to help others.

ENFJ's tend to be more reserved about exposing themselves than other extraverted types. Although they may have strongly-felt beliefs, they're likely to refrain from expressing them if doing so would interfere with bringing out the best in others. Because their strongest interest lies in being a catalyst of change in other people, they're likely to interact with others on their own level, in a chameleon-like manner.

Which is not to say that the ENFJ does not have opinions. ENFJs have definite values and opinions which they're able to express clearly and succinctly. These beliefs will be expressed as long as they're not too personal. ENFJ is in many ways expressive and open, but is more focused on being responsive and supportive of others. When faced with a conflict between a strongly-held value and serving another person's need, they are highly likely to value the other person's needs.

The ENFJ may feel quite lonely even when surrounded by people. This feeling of aloneness may be exacerbated by the tendency to not reveal their true selves.

People love ENFJs. They are fun to be with, and truly understand and love people. They are typically very straight-forward and honest. Usually ENFJs exude a lot of self-confidence, and have a great amount of ability to do many different things. 

ENFJs like for things to be well-organized, and will work hard at maintaining structure and resolving ambiguity. 

ENFJs do not like dealing with impersonal reasoning. They don't understand or appreciate its merit, and will be unhappy in situations where they're forced to deal with logic and facts without any connection to a human element. 

ENFJs have a strong need for close, intimate relationships, and will put forth a lot of effort in creating and maintaining these relationships. They're very loyal and trustworthy once involved in a relationship.
ENFJs have a special gift with people, and are basically happy people when they can use that gift to help others. They get their best satisfaction from serving others. 

What thinks you? Accurate? Or no?

Opportunity Cost

Truth: it was the spirit that first taught me this principle. I was sitting in a distance ed class, listening to some lecture, when a young man that I greatly admired came up and knelt next to my chair. He asked if he could ask me a question, and then proceeded to give a 'hypothetical situation' that went something like this:

"So let's say I have this friend, and he and I grew up members of the Church of Jesus Christ all our lives. We both have been taught correct principles, but one day he decides that because he has been keeping the commandments that he is missing out on lots of experiences and opportunities that he could be having. So he decides that he is going to go have all of these 'experiences' that keeping the commandments prohibits him from having, while I choose to keep living the Gospel. So Krystal, my question is, am I missing out on experiencing those things because I am keeping the commandments?"

I'll never forget the shock I felt when this question was posed. The kid posing it was pretty much the most righteous and rock solid kid I knew. And I also don't think I'll ever forget realizing that I had no clue what the answer to his question was. But as I sat there and looked at him, my mouth opened, and out came words that definitely were not my own.

"Yes." I said quite simply. "You are missing out." And then as I noticed the shocked expression crossing his face, my mouth opened again, and out came more words that I had never heard before.

"You are missing out on all of those experiences he is having because you are keeping the commandments. You won't know what those things he is doing feel like. However, your friend is also "missing out" on some experiences that you are having. He won't know the blessings of honoring his priesthood, and of having a clean conscience. You see, in life we all have to miss out on something - the trick is deciding between what we are ok with missing out on and what we really want to experience."

Imagine my shock a year or two later when in a college business class the teacher defined a term she called 'opportunity cost,' which is of course the price of what you could have done in exchange for what you actually did.

Isn't it incredible what the spirit can teach us? I've been thinking a lot about opportunity cost lately. What am I giving up in order to be doing what I am doing now? What do I really want? What am I ok with missing out on? Are my actions actually helping me achieve my goals? I think sometimes in life we don't think enough about opportunity cost. We don't keep things in perspective. We shuffle around trying to gratify out immediate wants without stopping to think about how what we are doing now will affect our future ultimate ambitions. We set these ambiguous goals, and then sit around and hope they'll happen without making a solid plan to achieve them. Shame on us.

When I think about this in terms of building an eternal marriage and family it get's awfully confusing. How do I know that I'm really headed towards what I want most? What opportunities am I unknowingly giving up by my actions? I guess if I worry about it too much I'll just get a headache. So for now I'll just keep trying - because another glorious Gospel truth is that as long as we keep trying our best, God will not let us fail. I also believe that he won't let us miss out on what we need to learn and experience if we are giving our best effort to him.

"Your make-out chap stick is broken."

So my sister bought this chape sticke.... well actually, she bought two. And they go together. The whole idea is that one person puts on one, and the other person puts on the other, and when they kiss something crazy happens and the substances interact to make your lips go wild in a tingly sort of way.

So she told me tonight that I HAD to try it. And I told her I was fine with that... but there was no way I was going to kiss her.

Anyways. After a little brainstorming, I rubbed one type on my top lip, the other on the bottom, and rubbed my lips together.

Nothing happened.

So I washed my lips off and tried again.

I turned to her and told her her make-out chap stick was broken.

And then my lips started to tingle.

And it was really quite incredible actually....

Gentelmen

Let me tell you about work this morning. For those of you who may be unaware: I wake up at the unearthly hour of 3:30 in the a.m. in order to be at work at the BYU fieldhouse at 4. I clean a certain area, as well as anything else that may need attention. Despite the lack of sleep caused by the time I have to be at work, I love my job. I love the people I get to work with. I love the fact that I don't have to look nice. I love that I can take off work whenever I want. I love that I never work weekends or holidays. I even take a sick sort of satisfaction from scrubbing something until it shines.

Anyways. This morning I was attempting to unroll a large mat. Now, I can unroll those wretchedly heavy mats all by my lonesome, but it's difficult to get them straight. They are a lot larger than I am. I think people sometimes feel pity for me as they watch me wrestle with them, because occasionally I get offers of help from passer-by. I usually turn these offers down, maybe this is prideful stubborness on my part... but it isn't their job to help me, and if I really am struggling I do have coworkers I can call upon. But anywho. I was moving a mat into position this morning when a handsome stranger walked up to me. He stated simply in a very kind voice, "I'll help you with that." It wasn't a request or an offer - it was a statement of how things were to be. His tone of voice was not one to be argued with. I was taken off guard by the matter-of-fact tone he used, and before I knew it, he was instructing me to pull on one end while he manuvered the other. When I looked at him with a grateful, "thank you." He replied with a "No problem. See you later!" and off he went. Just like that. And I thought to myself what a nice fellow he must be.

Not 20 minutes later I ran out of vacuum cord in the same hallway. I turned around to go to retrieve the plug and noticed an elderly gentleman bending over, holding the vacuum plug as he looked at me with an inquisitive smile. He asked if he could unplug it for me, and observed that it looked as if I had run out of cord. Once again I was not offered help, I was just given it. Usually vacuuming is one of the dullest projects of my morning, but his jovial smile brightened things considerably.

And I was supremely grateful that no matter where one goes there are undoubtably lovely people everywhere just waiting to be met. Also. I love it when I meet a man who exudes the arua of a true gentleman.

Ok. So BYU may have a few redeeming qualities. I did just admit that.


USU is still better.

Sister Johnson

Tonight I had the opportunity to with my dear friend Sharlee to watch her be set apart as a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. She will be serving in Cambodia. I am so excited for her it is slightly ridiculous.
Sunday when I went to her farewell I had a lot of people ask me if I knew her very well at all. I would chuckle and say "we were best friends in third grade." But really, that doesn't even begin to cover it. Sharlee has always been there for me - she is such a bright spot in my life and I feel so grateful to have known her and seen her genuine goodness. She loves everyone around her, and her patience is neverending. I can testify to this because she's put up with me for years and years. From being my first real elementary school friend, to my locker partner in highschool, and then eventually my roommate in college, she has always brightened my day when I have been graced with one of her smiles. She's taught me a lot about chairty and selflessness and hard work.
I shed a few tears tonight when I had to say goodbye to her. I am such a proud roommate. I wept during her talk on Sunday when she spoke of a very special moment I was able to share with her last semester at school. I feel like a basket case, but those tears are a testament to how much I love her - I don't cry over just anybody.
When she first started the mission paper process I thought we'd be going through it together. Right now the Lord has different plans for me, and for a while I was slightly jealous of her. But I can honestly say that since the moment I watched her open her mission call I haven't felt jealous. I've only felt excitement and love for her. She is on the Lord's errand, and she let's nothing stand in her way. One day I'm going to be like her.

But anyways. Dear Sharlee, or Sister Johnson (since that's what you'll be for the next 18 months) I love you. I can't wait to see you in a year and a half, and I want you to know how much I adore you. Thanks for being there for me. You don't know how much you've blessed my life.

Those Cambodian people sure are lucky that she'll be there with them for the next year and a half. Good luck Sister Johnson!

Thoughts from the Trail

Antelope Island here we come!

Perfect day! Yay! Not so many bugs this time.

Sego Lillies! Wow!

Steph and I are going to be pro at practicing this romance thing. Horseback riding throw the meadows of wildflowers.... hehehe.

I am SO glad I don't have to use the restroom right now. No wonder women stayed home more when this was the primary mode of transportation. I don't blame them one bit.

Well Chelle, you're horse has a hard time keeping up because he's the fat slow one ;)

Silly horse. Quit trying to cuddle with me. You're far too big for that.

Golly Grandpa, this is a lot of food --- typical. Haha.

Freak child. You have a lopsided canter. Either that or you're just trying to throw me off...

You walk until I say otherwise: you eat. You canter and toss me around: you starve.

Oh my goodness! That buffalo is freaking close... woah. woah. woah. If you throw me off I swear... I can just see tomorrow's headline: Girl gored by buffalo. What a painfully fantastical way to die. Wonder who would actually show up to my funeral?

Real prancing ponies are not very comfortable to ride no matter how innocent the title sounds...

I am so glad that Grandpa brought me, Stephanie and Michelle to do this.

Starting to understand how it was possible for cowboys to fall asleep in the saddle... so tired...

I love riding downhill... it makes me feel so... wait. Slow down. Holy crap. WoAh! I think my respect level for that dude in Man from Snowy River just increased about 10 times.

Is it really a good thing Grandpa trusts me with the most difficult horse?

I think this grass is taller than I am.

I'll take the cold wind over those blasted mosquitos any day!

Wow, that salt breeze really clears up those sinuses.

Ten miles! I feel pretty legit.

Holy Crap. Note to self... leave stirrups slightly longer next time --- I don't think I've ever been this saddle sore!

Just because I know it's good for me doesn't mean I want to do it

AKA: things may be too easy for you, and the chicken counting is stopping.

Because really. I think about things too much. Because sometimes when you are shoving a vacuum around in the wee hours of the morning, you have lots of time to think. And sometimes the thinking is productive. And sometimes it's just confusing and you come up with way more questions than you have answers. Actually, that second thing happens a LOT to me.

But then sometimes you talk to someone and they say something, and because you have figured out one of the questions, all of a sudden you see things more clearly. And then you feel happy because you know that your thinking session tomorrow morning will probably, and very hopefully, be much more productive and fulfilling. Or at least more interesting.

Also. Sometimes I wonder about chickens. Not real chickens silly goose. But yes. I wonder about chickens. And then sometimes when I come up with a good question, then the chicken wondering becomes appealing in an extremely different sort of way, because my pride steps in and takes over. Hostilly. (Yes I just made that word up.)

So yes. Hostile pride is halting the chickeney musings. I am less inclined than I was before. However.... this could potentially mean I will get a swift kick in the pants from a Heavenly source soon. Maybe. Either that or I just got smarter.

We'll see.

Institutionalized

Thursday I went with Dora on a mini road trip to Montana. Nevermind why. Suffice it to say that we spent a LONG time in the car. And whenever one spends excessively long periods of time in a moving vehicle, bathroom breaks become necessary. So we stopped at a gas station in the Idaho Falls area, and she and I happily skipped inside (we were very grateful to be out of the car) in order to use the restroom.

As we walked in and followed the signs directing us to the ladies room, a man wearing casual business attire (he was probably in his late 40's) stopped me with a question. This was because he had noticed my shirt. I was wearing a USU Institute t-shirt. On the front the shirt says 'Institute' in bold lettering, the back features the Aggie A and the words 'a priority.'  Noticing me and the front of my shirt, he halted my progress towards the bathroom with the question, "Wait, you belong to an Institute?" Thinking that he might be LDS and was just appreciating the fact that he could easily recognize my religious affiliations by my getup, I proudly answered him with a resounding, "Yup! I go to Institute."  He looked back at me with a concerned expression on his face and said, "Hm. That's usually not something people advertise on their shirts." I shrugged and proceeded on my way.

While I was washing my hands and thinking about this incident, it occurred to me that the kindly-intentioned gentleman was not referring to the same kind of Institute that I was thinking of. So I turned to Dora and mentioned that the man had probably thought I belong to a psych ward. She and I chuckled over it as we exited the restroom, and as we approached the exit, the same gentleman stopped me again.

You know those times when you can just look at someone's face, and you know what they are wanting to say, even though they aren't saying it very well? Well --- this was one of those times. Because this guy looked at me with this queer expression, and I just knew that he was dying, yes, simply dying, to know what I had done that would cause me to be sent to the loony bin, and what on earth was I doing in a gas station in the middle of Idaho. He  asked me in a controlled sort of voice what kind of Institute I belonged to, and when I explained, "It's an institute for religion...." he looked at me with a dubious glance and said sarcastically, "I've never heard it called that before."

And it was all I could do not to bust up laughing as I explained that it was a USU t-shirt. I am an Aggie, and that the institute there really is for religion. He then proceeded to quietly explain to himself, "Oh. You're one of those Utah people...."

And I just laughed. Because he is in Idaho Falls, Idaho. Which, while it may not be Utah, is definitely not that far from USU, Mormons, Aggies, or other such similar things.

So yes. I had a random stranger try to ask me why I'd been institutionalized. Haha.
 Best gas station experience ever. Hands down :)

He Used the Word 'Date'

I received a phone call early this afternoon, in which a handsome young man asked me if I would go on a date with him. And he actually used the word date. And I was surprised and impressed by his frank non-ambiguousness. Because really, I don't even remember the last time a boy called me and said that he would like to take me on a "date." I've been called and asked if I'd like to go with a young man to a dinner or activity or something, and I knew it was a date... but I don't remember the last time a gentleman used this particular word when asking me.

Why is it that for some reason that particular word is frightening? Sometimes I feel everyone slinks around and avoids the use of the term until after the date is over. (Am I the only one who feels like this happens?) I guess it's kinda scary sometimes to put yourself out there in order to ask someone on a date, but still. It is sooo nice to know what is going on. It was completely refreshing today to know that whatever upcoming activity he has planned will be classified as a date - and I don't have to wonder about it beforehand.

I was proud of him. And impressed. And if he ever reads any of these silly musings of mine he should know that I say kudos to him.

Now I just have to decide what to wear :)

Camille tells me stories to cheer me up.

"once,

there was a beautiful girl named Krystal

and there was a handsome prince named ping. and he was from china. and he wasn't dumb like most boys are

and Krystal went to China, and there was a chipmunk there named Larry

And Larry said "Krystal, guess what? normally when i'm around, it means you have to do a lot of waiting or fighting or whatever so you can receive they key to the heart of the one you treasure

But Ping is so madly in love with you, that he already did all the work for you, so you don't have to do it. Because he loves you lots and lots

And so, Krystal was so happy. and she met ping, and he was everything she hoped for and more. and he was good at chasing girls

and he asked girls on dates

and he was really funny

and teased Krystal a lot

and they lived happily ever after.

the end"

I like that girl. And her stories too :)

Silver Linings

1. I have the funds to pay for the car repairs needed.
2. The deer didn't kill me.
3. I think the deer was ok.
4. I got to go to institute with Jen this evening.
5. My Dad knows how to replace side view mirrors.
6. I have a full time job.
7. I like my full time job.
8. I get to go to the temple tomorrow afternoon.
9. I got an almost 4 hour nap this afternoon.
10. I got to talk to two of my favorite boys last night.
11. My thyroid test came back and said my thyroid is healthy.
12. One month from today my St. George and Bear Lake adventuring will begin.
13. Camille sent me funny quotes this afternoon.
14. I got to jump on the trampoline.
15. Jen knows how to cheer me up.
16. I'm getting better at being patient.
17. I get to have a brand new windshield.
19. There are people in the world who will just listen when I vent. They don't fix it, they just listen.
20. Jen and I have a play date to watch Mulan and go running.
21. Heavenly Father loves me.

"Krystal, that does not taste like you."

-Alyssa
Oh the things that get said when you work early morning....

hehehe.

The Blues Have Found Me

I sit at home, munching on a piece of cardboard pizza as I wallow in self-pity. Why is it that every time life approaches perfection it changes?

I'm not used to feeling this unwanted and obnoxious. I get to play babysitter this weekend to a bunch of teenagers who want to be independent from me and the world. Part of me wants to let them go and do whatever the crap they want and not worry about it, but they're my siblings and I promised my parents I'd keep an eye on them. You wouldn't believe how hard it can be to just get a little information out of them about what they want to do. I'm so glad I'm not a parent right now.

Also. I hate the fact that my social life has pretty much disappeared. I know that I'm the only one who can fix it, but at the moment I really don't want to expend the necessary energy to do so. It's easier to sit and wish that someone would take pity on me. I know from personal experience this doesn't happen. And so I swallow my cold pizza, and wait for the evening to end --- knowing that tomorrow will be better and maybe next week I can find the gumption to look for a group of people who want to play with me.

*Note. Jen Parks: You are wonderful. Thanks for saving me so far this summer. I'd have gone crazy already without you.

Fun Facts:

Just for fun, here's a list of things that you probably didn't care to know about me but that I am sharing with you anyways:

1. I have a young mouth --- my dentist told me that if he had to guess my age just based off of my teeth, he'd say I'm about 4 years younger than I really am.
2. When I was in 2nd grade I got two black eyes. At the same time.
3. One time my cousins and I made a 12 story long paper chain. We hung it from the top of a stairwell all the way down to the bottom floor. It was awesome.
4. I love roundabouts. Everything about them makes me happy.
5. The first time I tried driving a stick I didn't stall. Go me!
6. I am a silly song nut. I know tons of them -- if you ever need one just let me know :)
7. The only time I've ever dyed my hair was when I put a temporary streak of red in it.
8. I can't whistle, but I can tweet like a bird.
9. I've kissed a real frog. One that I caught while on a river rafting trip.
10. I ran one season of track my freshman year of high school. I was the second slowest person on the team.
11. In 7th grade I only missed one day of school: it happened to be during the awards ceremony at the end of the year -- so when my name was read for the perfect attendance award I wasn't there to get it. I was a tad more than slightly confused when the school secretary called me down to the office the next day so that she could give it to me.
12. I avoid eating cottage cheese because it reminds me forcefully of an unpleasant encounter I had with tofu.
13. I've never had stitches or been in a cast for breaking anything.
14. I can recite the first 20 lines of Chaucer's Canterbury Tales in Old English.
15. I usually win Phase 10. Don't ask why, I've just always been super lucky with that particular game.
16. I have been to Alaska twice, but I've never been to a foreign country.
17. I started reading the Lord of the Rings in 4th grade. I read all but the last half(ish) of the last one. I still have never finished it. (Even though I own the series.)
18. My Grandpa informed me 4 or 5 years ago that I was the only one of his Grandchildren who knew how to saddle my own horse  --> it's it's likely that this is still true.
19. I bite my lip when I'm not sure what to say.
20. I have never slept in till noon. Ever.
21. My favorite smell in the world is that smell of laundry steam as it comes out of the vent.
22. My cousin and I together drafted an application to anyone who wants to join our family. She made her fiancée fill it out, and I fully intend to make my future fiancée do the same.
23. My hair used to be bone straight, the older I get the more wavy it gets.
24. My sneeze is usually so loud that it scares people.
25. I despise hot dogs. Pretty much I think that they are about as close as you can get to eating warm rubber.

Dear Logan,

You are one of my favorite places ever. I got to visit you earlier this week, and when I drove out of Sardine and beheld your beauty, a smile crept onto my face and would not leave. Literally. I couldn't get it to stop even when my cheeks started to hurt and I tried.

I didn't do anything supremely phenomenal while I was visiting. Well, ok, ok, hanging out with any of the Musketeers is always phenomenal -- but I was so happy doing unphenomenal things with truly phenomenal people whom I happen to love dearly. My stomach was sore for nearly two days after just because I laughed so hard and so genuinely while I was visiting you. Thanks for being such a beautiful place.

I shall be looking forward in hopeful anticipation until the next time I am able to grace you with my presence.

With all my heart,
Krystal

Down to Earth

A friend is a good thing. Especially those friends who keep the spirit with them.

Do you ever feel that all life's questions are rolling around inside of you, and your emotions and perspectives are starting to blur a little... not in a bad way, but just in a "I'm not quite sure what to think about life and myself in general anymore" kind of way.  And then you sit down with a tender mercy from heaven. You talk for a while with an angel who helps your mind start to sort things through and who helps you to just put everything back in it's place in your head. Not because they're trying to or because you felt like you asked them to, but just because  it's what naturally happens whenever you talk to them. Things get put where they should be. You may not solve the mysteries - but you find yourself again. You touch down to earth and find your eternal perspective. And you realize that because you have friends like that, because there are genuinely good people out there for you to love and admire, because God is in His heaven and there are others who know that, because of all these things, everything will work out. And life is good. So good.

I'm grateful for good friends. Especially good friends who are down to earth. You know who you are. Thanks Miss Carrie for that chat tonight. I needed it more than you know. And thanks for you others (you know who you are) who keep me going. Thanks for helping me to want to keep going and become better. I love you.

Neat and Tidy

Ok. So I grew up in a very clean and organized household. My parents are what most would consider "clean freaks."  As a result, I grew up feeling like a mess. I was constantly being told to clean my room and that I needed to be more organized.

So when I moved off to college, I will confess it was a slight surprise to be labeled as the 'clean freak.' To be constantly complimented on my organization in general was surprising too.

Now that I've moved home again, I'm having to fit everything into a much smaller amount of space than I had when I was at college. I've spent the last two days unpacking, organizing, throwing things out, putting things in a bag for DI and just organizing and cleaning in general. And I've realized: whether my parents agree or not... I am a complete clean freak. I go through everything. I find a logical spot for everything. I scrub and organize and tidy down to the very last pin, and because I try to be so completely and totally thorough, I take FOREVER to do it all. Unfortunately -- I still don't seem to see a light at the end of the tunnel to this project I've begun. I've simply too many things and too little space. Looks like I will be downsizing significantly this summer - which I think will be a very good thing.

Doesn't make it a fun process though.
For now I'm just reminding myself how good it will feel when I'm all done...

Quotes of Epicness

So as some of you may know, I have a rather large quote wall in my apartment. If you are a frequenter of my place, you may even be fortunate enough to have one of your quotes featured there. I have heard from more than one source that this quote wall of ours happens to be, hands down, the most epic quote wall that any person has ever seen. No one has ever refuted that fact. I love our quote wall. It provides many a good giggle, and functions as a fabulous conversation starter, as well as helps to keep many memories alive. Now--- because the school year is ending, the quote wall will have to be taken down. This is a tragedy in my mind. However - I would like the quote wall to live on. So here, on this very blog, shall be documented some of the epic, and not so epic moments in our apartment. Keep in mind that these come in no apparent order, and more than likely a few wonderful moments will be missing. Enjoy at your leisure, and please feel free to tell me which is your favorite.

"If you are going to do the dishes naked at least shut the blinds." -Sharlee

"He can go sit on a log for all I care... and the red ants can eat his butt." -Aly

"The personal bubble ends at the teeth." -Dora

"I'm so brilliant sometimes it hurts." -Krystal

"You can test him... like Potiphar's wife." -Belle

"Krystal is the most righteous person I know." -Dora
"Not after tonight..." -Sharlee

"I don't wanna be annoying like a pomegranate...." -Krystal
"I don't want to be soft and easy to peel..." -Dora

"I slept with that pumpkin!" -Dora
"Then it got sick and died." -Riley

"Sometimes I wonder what is compelling me to do such a horrific act of weirdness." -Dora

"...hopefully making out with a hot specimen of man-flesh." -Krystal
"Yes." -Sharlee

"Don't mind me, I'm just getting dressed in front of you." -Dora
"Whatever." -Jacob

"I'm going to say a prayer... to myself." -Dora
"Ah... religion 101: You aren't God." -Krystal

"What happened to your nose?" -Sharlee
"You hit it with your head." -Krystal

"Sharlee has too much hair, and Dora has too much face." -Dalon

"I think he should smurf in Camille's specific vicinity." -Camille


"Are you picky about lips?" -Dora
"Well I guess that depends on how they taste." -Dalon


"And that's when I realized... I'm a wuss!" -Krystal

"But I'm a single pumpkin... so it's ok." -Krystal

"I got TP stuck in my eye so I went to grab it and I accidentally pinched my eyeball! It's true!" -Sharlee

"They went to Heaven." -Jacob
"That's only if they're good." -Krystal

"Krystal has made herself the queen of awkward." -Dalon

"I live for awkwardness." -Krystal

"Who can I cheat on Dora with so that she will like me better?" -Krystal
"I can relate to that." -Riley

"Kiss me. I'm pregnant." -Paul

"Brian, I am not your future child." -Krystal

"What do you look so scared about?" -Krystal
"I dunno. I'm just trying to cry." -Jacob

"You can come hunt me down and shoot me." -Riley
"And then you can play with him." -Carrie

"I can't date him, I need someone I can be naughty with." -Krystal

"Oh I see... you  just want to be naughty." -Camille

"Krystal's not mischievous, she's just naughty." -Kelden

"I wish my spit tasted that good." -Krystal
"Well ________ probably thought so." -Dora

"He needs to learn to talk better." -Krystal
"Well, we can invite him over and break him." -Sharlee

"Imagine you have nostrils at the bottom of your feet." -Yoga Video

"Krystal! I don't think you're a control freak. Let's just establish that." -Brian

"What if a boy falls in love with me and I don't want him to?" -Krystal
"Kick him and say, 'Stop it.'" -Dora

"Make something really beautiful, like my face." -Camille

"You could elope. I'm pretty sure that's a good spring break activity." -Krystal

"Maybe you are having cuddle withdrawals and the only thing you've got is the wall." -Dora

"Look. I'm delusional." -Jacob

"Pumpkins are seasonal." -Grocery Man
"What about all the other fruits and vegetables?" -Sharlee

"I just thought you were having momentary problems, that's all." -Dora
"No! I'm dancing!" -Krystal

"I'd better get dressed." -Sharlee
"I'd better blow out the candles... we don't want to send the wrong message." -Krystal

"I'll pretend that I'm a hot man for a minute." -Sharlee

"He's not fun to talk to. Only about." -Camille

"Cameron, do you think you're too good for Krystal?" -Aly
"Could you ask a more awkward question?" -Krystal
"Cameron, do you think you're too good for Carrie?" -Aly

"My lips are wussy. They aren't as strong as they used to be." -Krystal


"Krystal crawled through the wrong window and was beat to death by a walker." -Dalon

"The Stake President told us to stay away from people like you." -Krystal
"Why?" -Riley
"Because we are supposed to avoid temptation." -Krystal

"I refuse to be involved in the putting of them together." -Camille

"Tell them about the prostitutes..." -Dalon
"They were supposed to stay in the car." -Riley

"What's the point of winning if Krystal wins too?" -David

"What do you want me to say? I'm sorry that all these men are interested in you? I'm sorry!!" -Krystal

"What am I? I am the tub that holds everything together!!" -David

"I diffuse the awkwardness as I create it." -Krystal

"Have you ever licked me?" -Riley
"You mean while you were awake?" -Paul

"I think at this point in my life love is nonexistent compared to chacos." -Brian

"People get drunk before noon all the time." -Brian

"I don't want to be gotten by that!" -Krystal

"It's not because I have mercy... it's in the rulebook." -David

"Why thank you Camille, you are a test of my patience." -Brian

"Summer is like the quiver of an eyelid twitch before it twitches." -Krystal (with the aid of Carrie and Camille)

"Krystal, don't make me hold your hand." -Brian

"Becoming a True Aggie does not make you CPR certified." -Cameron

God is Good

Back in August I was called to be the Relief Society President over a most incredible group of women. I didn't see or understand why Heavenly Father would ask me to do such a thing. For a week or two I'm pretty sure I just looked like a deer in the headlights. I couldn't comprehend how I was ever going to accomplish anything good or help anyone.

And someone told me that I would love my calling. This sweet girl informed me that I would cry when I was released. And I half believed her. I figured I'd cry after it was all over. But not the day of, in front of all my girls as I attempted to bear my testimony. But I did. I've cried a lot today. But they were tears of joy. Tears of gratitude at the incredible experiences that I've had this year. I've given the Lord my all. And he has richly blessed my life.

As I've come to know these sisters, I've seen an incredible amount of goodness and virtue. They have taught me so much more than I could ever hope to ever teach them. And as heavy as this mantle felt at times, I don't regret a single instance of it. I am so sincerely grateful that God trusted me enough to call me to his service. I am going to miss these girls so much.

The Lord is good. I am sincerely grateful to be able to see his hand in my life. There are so many times when I look around me and marvel at the events that have brought me to where I am. I know that he has a plan for me. I know he wants me to be happy. And I know that if I just trust him he will put me where I need to be. Not only where I need to be in order to build up his kingdom and help others find happiness, but also where I need to be to be the most happy and grow the most myself. Nothing is as constant as change, this is true. But change is so good.

About a week ago I started to feel afraid. Afraid that after this year and how intensely I've been involved with the ward that I will feel useless in my future assignments. Afraid that I won't be able to find where I am supposed to be. I thought this fear would grow as summer came closer. But right now it isn't there anymore. I've realized that those who desire to serve will always find opportunities to build the kingdom. If I just listen and have a genuine desire to be on the Lord's errand, he will have a place to send me.

This post is a very poor token of the depth of my many emotions today. But I want you to know that I have faith in God. I trust him. And I hope that one day I will be worthy of his trust in me.

The Three and a Half Musketeers!!!

Hem hem hem:

"One evening as I was out walking, though you'll find it hard to believe...
a little blue man, stepped out of the crowd, and timidly tugged at my sleeve.
    I wuv you! I wuv you! said the little blue man. I wuv you! I wuv you to bits!
    I wuv you! He loves me, said the little blue man. And scared me right out of my wits.
I rushed back to my apartment. I ran in and I closed the door.
But there on my desk, stood the little blue man, who started to tell me once more:
    I wuv you! I wuv you! said the little blue man. I wuv you! I wuv you to bits!
    I wuv you! He loves me, said the little blue man. And scared me right out of my wits.
For weeks after that I was haunted. Though no one could see him, but me.
But there by my side, stood the little blue man, wherever I happened to be.
    I wuv you! I wuv you! said the little blue man. I wuv you! I wuv you to bits!
    I wuv you! He loves me, said the little blue man. And scared me right out of my wits.
One evening in wild desperation, I rushed to a rooftop in town...
and over the edge, pushed the little blue man, who sang to me all the way down.
    I wuv you! I wuv you! said the little blue man. I wuv you! I wuv you to bits!
    I wuv you! He loves me, said the little blue man. And scared me right out of my wits.
I said, 'Thank goodness that's over.' I smiled as I hurried outside.
But there on the street, stood the little blue man, who said with a tear in his eye:
     I don't wuv you anymore."

This song was dedicated to Camille and Brian. Carrie and I unexpectedly serenaded them with it the other night - which was especially funny since Camille was being drawn and needed to keep a straight face. Ha! It also passes off #71 on my 101 list: to serenade someone who is not expecting it :) It went quite well. And then yesterday I Carrie and I made those two yahoo's their very own little blue men. That was before we dragged Brian with us to the fabric store... he is such a good sport.

The adventures of the Three and a Half Musketeers are so fabulous. We broke in my new Wackee 6 cards last night!!! There is going to be an upcoming match where we hope to use 3 sets of decks at once... mwahahaha! Wanna come? If you dare you are definitely invited.

Also, for the official record: Brian did not caress me with a knife. It was definitely a stab. Camille and I have come  up with a behavioral definition for cuddling (success!). Krystal doesn't like to shove people off cliffs - she just pretends like she does. Smurfing is pretty much one of the most fabulous activities ever.... and giving people grief over smurfing is even better.

And if any of you yahoo's to whom this post is dedicated happen to be reading this (no, I don't consider you dingo-brains) -- I will be holding you to the promise of rock climbing, chinese, and cleaning the sink this weekend. Don't think I won't.

Why yes, I am 5' 1''

An extremely attractive gentleman put his arm around me this evening in order to demonstrate his point: which was that I am pretty much the perfect height for a girl.

It made me smile.

A lot. :D

H20

Once upon a time Krystal was cleaning her fishbowl. And as she was rinsing and contemplating the mysteries of the universe (she can be deep occasionally.... ) she suddenly cried, "God is so smart!"

And Dora, whom her comment was directed at, chuckled at the suddenness of the outburst and asked, "Why do you say that?"

"Well" started Krystal, "You know how most things are heavier when they are in their liquid form?"
"Yeah..."
"And you know how water isn't like that? Ice is lighter, so it floats."
"Mmhmmm."
"Well, God is such a genius! Because if he'd made water like most other things, then ice wouldn't float, and then all the fishes would die. And that would be so tragic!"

And then Dora burst out laughing and told Krystal that she was ridiculous.


Sometimes she just doesn't appreciate my genius.

"I live for awkwardness"

That's a direct quote from last night. I said it. (Insert cheesy grin here)

That was around the time Camille and I were reminiscing about an earlier conversation in which I had said something that shall not be quoted here. It was one of those completely innocent remarks that doesn't sound innocent after it comes out of a body's mouth.

Why is it those seem to come out of my mouth so often? Ha.


I decided that the majority of the time, I really don't mind saying exactly what I think. This can be both a good and a bad thing.

Sometimes I think I should just keep my mouth shut a lot more. Then I wouldn't get in deep water as often. But then again... people wouldn't laugh nearly as hard when I'm around either.

And I probably wouldn't be being me. Hmmm....

At last!! There is a Ring!!

No. Not on my finger silly people.

On Dora's. Hooray! If you would like to hear about it in her own words you may click here.


Also. Can I just say I saw it before she did? And I knew what was going to happen. And I did a VERY good job of keeping a secret :D

It's slightly sad... because she will be leaving me forever. *Tear* But I still happen to be a very proud roommate at the moment.

I Like Sincere Compliments

Yesterday at school I was getting ready to teach when a little boy came in and sat down for group. He looked at me and said, "You're beautiful." And my next thought was -- 'Oh great. I completely spaced any and all make-up this morning - how ironic it is that I wouldn't have even remembered if you hadn't said anything you sweet boy.'

BUT. Either the kids really wanted something... or I should bag the make-up more often, because before 10am in the morning I received two more complements on my looks. My favorite was from the little boy who is usually a tad difficult to keep on track. He cocked his head and very randomly said: "You know... you're really pretty." Ah. Yeah. My kids are the best.

I love that kids are willing to just say what they think. No embarrassment. No hidden agendas. No analysis of: 'what should I say that will make you think what I want you to think about me instead of just saying what I think because that might make you think something I don't want you to think." You'd never hear a grown man cock his head and say to me "You know... you're really pretty." If I were lucky, I might get a: "You look nice today." or maybe even: "You smell nice." But that's because grown people rarely say what goes through their mind.

Why is that?

Wackee 6 is VERY Good for the Soul

I love this game.

Especially when I get to play with Camille, Carrie, David, Brian and Jeff.
Especially especially when the girls combined scores are beating the boys.
And especially especially especially when I'm beating David and he gets worked up about it.

Like tonight -- when I was over a hundred points ahead of everyone.

Yup. This game blesses my life.

Graduation

Yeah. That's me on there... crazy sauce right?

This lovely announcement is courtesy of of the brilliant Dora Poon.

I think God likes to laugh at me.

In fact, I hope he does. Because I know I give him plenty of opportunities to chuckle.

This weekend I told him what was what. And then he chuckled, and I can just envision him shaking his head as he replied with something along the lines of: "If you really think you can fix it yourself go ahead darlin, but you aren't going to get anywhere but frustrated. Goofball. If you'd just be patient I told you I'll take care of it."

And then I smiled a sheepish smile and conceded that He's right.


Cause let's face it. He's always right.
And that my friends is a very very good thing.

Floaties

This may sound really odd... but I decided to study the word "Residue" as it appears in scripture, and I found some very interesting things.

Moroni 7:31 And the office of their ministry is to call men unto repentance, and to fulfil and to do the work of the covenants of the Father, which he hath made unto the children of men, to prepare the way among the children of men, by declaring the word of Christ unto the chosen vessels of the Lord, that they may bear testimony of him.
32 And by so doing, the Lord God prepareth the way that the residue of men may have faith in Christ, that the Holy Ghost may have place in their hearts, according to the power thereof; and after this manner bringeth to pass the Father, the covenants which he hath made unto the children of men.

Acts 15:17 That the residue of men might seek after the Lord, and all the Gentiles, upon whom my name is called saith the Lord, who doeth all these things.

And my favorite:

Moses 7:28 And it came to pass that the God of heaven looked upon the residue of the people, and he wept; and Enoch bore record of it, saying: How is it that the heavens weep and shed forth their tears as the rain upon the mountains?
32 The Lord said unto Enoch: Behold these thy brethren, they are the workmanship of mine own hands, and I gave unto them their knowledge, in the day I created them; and in the Garden of Eden gave I unto man his agency.
33 And unto thy brethren have I said, and also given commandment that they should love one another, and that they should choose me, their Father; but behold, they are without affection, and they hate their own blood.
39 And That which I have chosen hath pled before my face. Wherefore, he suffereth for their sins; inasmuch as they will repent in the day that my Chosen shall return unto me, and until that day they shall be in torment;
40 Wherefore, for this shall the heavens weep, yea, and all the workmanship of mine hands.


When I think of the word 'Residue' I think of floaties in the bottom of a drinking cup. You know the nasty stuff that you'd never consider drinking? Yeah. That. The 'residue of the people' in scripture usually refers to the wicked. The leftovers. The ones we as humans sometimes give up on as 'lost.' The floaties... the ones that 'aren't worth saving.'

And yet Enoch records that God wept over these. Here He's got the City of Enoch in his bosom. He's perfect. He's got creations numberless as the sands of the sea. He is just and true and kind and has so many children who are doing wonderful things and coming unto him. But God still weeps over the floaties. The residue. Because he knows that these of his children will have to suffer if they don't repent. And the thought that any of his children will have to suffer is painful to him. That's why he prepared a way for all of his children to repent and come unto him.

So then I started to think: How deeply appropriate is the symbolism that Christ 'drunk the dregs of the bitter cup.' The very vilest sins committed by the very vilest sinners... the dregs, (which I think are pretty much just cancerous floaties)... Christ drunk those. He really did descend lower than us all. No one is beyond the power of His saving grace. He really does have a plan to save anyone and everyone who will come unto Him and allow Him to heal them.

Can you believe it? No one is past his compassion or his love. He loves all of his children equally. Knowing that he loves me unconditionally like this makes me want to work harder so that he will not only love me, but so that he will trust me as well. Because I can think of no greater joy than that which would come from being trusted enough by Him to help Him in His work. To not only be His child, but His servant. What an honor that would be, because if I prove to be a faithful servant, then He will grant me the blessing of being an Heir to his power and glory.

Oh how great is the love of our God!

April Fools!

Ok. So I've never really gotten into the whole April Fools thing... but this year, seeing as I'm a teacher, the opportunity just could not be missed. So I printed off some fake report cards, and passed them out... expecting to see a couple of shocked expressions.

I looked over at the one boy who is usually the most verbose of the group --- but he just very calmly perused the individual scores listed on the paper. He even turned it around and pointed out that in the attendance section he should have had two zeros instead of one, seeing as he was gone two different days. I sat there in disbelief watching him... wondering how and if he could have missed the giant F at the top of his paper. That's when I glanced around at the rest of my students, and noticed the girl in tears. They were quite literally streaming down her face. I felt an extreme surge of guilt at this point, and handed her her real report card, explaining that it was an April Fools day joke. To my relief, she began to laugh as she compared her real scores to her fake ones. I then looked over at the uncharacteristically quiet verbose gentleman, who as he heard me explaining things to his peer, said, "These are fake?! Yes! I'm going to go home and show them to my Mom!"

You've gotta love kids.

Courage is Fear that Prays

Someone bore their testimony in sacrament meeting sunday and said this. He wasn't a member of my ward, and so I cannot remember his name. But I'm grateful he shared it. It hit me really hard.

I've realized that I'm scared of the future. I'm scared I'm going to miss something important that I'm supposed to do. I've felt so absolutely and completely right about this year. I KNEW I was supposed to come back to USU. I KNEW I was supposed to be called as the Relief Society President. I've done what I feel my Heavenly Father has asked me to do. And I've tried to give it my all. And I want to tell you something: this is the best feeling in the world. To know that I listened. I obeyed, and received incredible experiences, blessings and happiness as a result. I feel like a completely different person than I was even 8 months ago. Completely different. I feel that I am so much better at listening, recognizing and following the Spirit, and I have a lot more trust and faith in God and His plan for me. And because things seemed so clear back in August, I guess I figured that they'd be the same now. I figured he'd point me where I'm supposed to go next. But it isn't like it was then.

In a way I feel a bit lost. I don't want this year to end. I feel like I'll be taking a giant leap into the darkness. Which is ok when I feel like God tells me to leap - but when I'm just leaping because there isn't anything else to do... this is awful. And probably not making any sense. But I had to get it out.

I guess I'll just keep praying. Because I definitely need to find a bit of courage.

Fender

Sharlee's boyfriend is cool. He got me a fish. Seeing as I've managed to kill 4 goldfish this semester... he was smart and got me a sturdier specimen.

Meet Fender:

Yes, he is named after the guitar brand.

He may be an ornery and temperamental Betta, but he's very pretty, and he hasn't died yet.

Hooray for keeping fish alive!

Cuddle Withdrawals

Confession:

A few months ago I found myself waking up every single morning in the exact same position. During the night I would scrunch up against the wall... with my entire back pressed firmly against it. I would then take my pillow and pull it up in front of me and hug it to my chest - making a nice Krystal sandwich --

The first time I woke up in this position I thought to myself: "Hmm. That's kinda weird."

The second time I woke up in this position I thought: "Wow. Two nights in a row."

A few days later when I was still waking up in the EXACT same position every morning I decided to vent to Dora about how crazy I was. Her only comment was, "Well, maybe you are having cuddle withdrawals and the only thing you got is the wall."

I think I slugged her before I told her she could shut it.

But you know what? I think that cuddle withdrawal syndrome really does exist. I am happy to report that I got over mine fairly quickly. I no longer cuddle with the wall at night. And luckily my syndrome was not so bad. For me, three weeks or so of cuddling with the wall was adequate to get me through my withdrawals.

I have started to notice some behaviors in a friend though, and I think he may have the same syndrome. Only I suspect he has it worse than I ever did. And I don't think he's discovered the wall yet... because he put his head on my shoulder and put his arm around me twice all in one night - and neither of us are what I would classify as 'touchy' kinds people. Don't get me wrong: he's a wonderful guy and we're great friends, I just never ever expected him to act that way.

Maybe I should write him a prescription for the wall. Hehe. If I didn't think that there could potentially be negative repercussions from it I totally would.

So yeah. How did you conquer your cuddle withdrawals? Hehe.

This is what it's all about!

Visiting teaching is pretty much the best thing ever.

One of my girls has been struggling. And I've spent a long time praying for her, and I've spent a long time worrying about her. And tonight I went to visit her, and she told me that she's had one of the hardest and one of the best weeks of her life. She shared with me some experiences that she has had, and some realizations that she's come to. She's decided to do some very hard things, and I'm so proud of her. She told me something that really touched my heart. She said that she was reading a talk by President Monson, and it reminded her of something that I had told her... she said something to this effect:

"I remember you telling me that you prayed to know if the Book of Mormon was true, and you didn't get a big answer, your answer was just small, and you said that Heavenly Father just told you that you already knew that it was true. Well, I was reading this talk and it talked about this young man who had made a commitment to never play sports on Sunday. Unfortunately his team had a game on a Sunday. He talked to his coach, and his coach told him he expected him to be there. So he went home to pray about whether or not he should play that day, and the answer to his prayer was 'why are you asking? you already know the answer.' and that just made me think of you... and I realized that I already know what's right... I just forgot a little bit for a minute."

I wanted to cry. This beautiful strong woman has had some very intense trials in the past few months, but she is coming out on top! And I did something to help... some experience that the Spirit directed me to share with her a while ago helped her in some small way, and I realized that this is what visiting teaching is all about. It's that help that you give, the love you show and the joy you experience when you see the light of the Gospel touch someones life and change it for the better, even if it's just in a very small way.

The Spirit is so cool. And I LOVE the Gospel of Jesus Christ!

3.14 -- HAPPY PI DAY!

Why yes... I did make that. :D

Mrs. Cook

A while ago I decided I really don't like being called Mrs. Cook in the classroom. It makes me feel so... OLD.

So I decided to do something about it. I knew I wasn't going to get all the kids to convert... but I figured my 5th graders could catch on to the difference.

So -- one of their assignments was to write me a persuasive letter. I explained very carefully the differences between Mrs, Miss, and Ms -- as well as which ones are appropriate to use when addressing me. I strongly emphasized that I was not to be called Mrs. Cook. Because I am not a Missus.

The good news: they all began to call me Ms or Miss Cook after that. And I was happy.

The bad news: It didn't last more than a week --- I'm now back to being called 'Mrs. Cook'


*sigh*