I think today....

I'll go to China.

Sound like a good idea to you?

Yup. China. Seems like a happening place to be. Ha!

So yes. Today is the long awaited day my friends. I am braving the unknown, heading into a completely crazy sitamacation, and I'm so excited. SO SO excited. I'll be there for the next 4 months.

It's kinda crazy how life turns out sometimes. When I stop and think about how everything has fallen so perfectly together to allow me this opportunity-- I can't deny that it's what the Lord wants me to be doing now. I'm all packed, I'm pumped, and I am ready to go. The only thing I'm not ready for is saying goodbye to my family. That one will be tough.

I've created a special blog for my Chinese adventuring. krystalinchina.blogspot.com. I'll be posting pictures and updates of my adventures. Therefore: this blog here you are reading might feel a little bit neglected for the next few months. I'll probably still pop in to muse occasionally, but if you'd like to read about Chinese adventures, and you are getting frustrated that they aren't showing up here -- you'll need to head on over to my other site.

Goodbye for now my friends! Or as they say in China: ZAI JIAN!

Foolish Pride

Sometimes I feel simultaneously as if I'm too old and too young. Like an awkward teenager during her growth spurt. All of a sudden my body is big. All of a sudden I can reach things and go places and have privileges I've never had before.... and I start to think I'm pretty hot stuff. People are kind and tell me nice things about yours truly. I let it go to my head.... and I start to think that I can conquer the world all by myself.

And then in one moment, I trip. And as I lay on the metaphorical sidewalk assessing my minor bruises (that don't feel so minor in the moment) --- I realize that I'm still a little girl.  And my pompous and rather foolish prideful behavior and attitudes are really just a mask for the child inside who is trying to prove something that she shouldn't need to and (quite frankly) can't prove. 

I am such a hypocrite. 

I could sit here and tell you all the blasted reasons that I have which compel me to try to prove I can be completely independent..... I could show you the countless times I've spurned help, or barely accepted it and only because I've consoled myself by thinking that I'm 'allowing' the other person to give service.... and then I'll turn around and tell everyone with conviction that God put us here to help each other, and that no one can make it by his or herself. I'll sit up at night wishing that the world wasn't 'leaving me behind' --- and then I'll get up in the morning and do everything I can to convince myself and the world that I want to be left behind.

So I guess this post is a confession. And an apology. Mostly to God, but also to all the people have been hurt by my pride. Myself included. I've been a coward. 

Luckily God is good at humbling the proud. And I will try to do better. You'll probably need to be patient with me though, because for me it's going to be a very long road, and a very uphill battle.... 

Fat Face

It hurts.

And when I told Alyssa that I was finding out what it's like to be ugly, her 'consolation' came in the sentence: "Oh Krystal, you're not ugly.... you're just deformed."

Oh how I love honest friends. They make bad situations so much funnier :)

Papa Hugs

My Papa gives the best hugs in the whole world. It has always been my firm belief that there is absolutely NOTHING that a Papa hug cannot help make better.

Papa is my Mother's Father. This afternoon I got a hug from him before I left his house. I got back in the car to drive home, and as I raised my arm to wave I caught a distinct whiff of his cologne. I grinned from ear to ear, because Papa hugs often linger in this way. I can't think of a single person in the whole world whose cologne I would rather have stick to me. Not that there aren't numerous yummy smelling men in this world, but none of their smells makes me feel even remotely as secure as the smell of a Papa hug does.

One day when I meet a man who can hug 1/2 as well as my Papa --- I'll be a goner. Toast. Head over heels for a man who can hug. Hehehe.

Do you believe in coincidence?

They say hind-sight is 20/20. When I look back at my life I never cease to marvel how even small things wove themselves into the fabric of my story, and have made the tapestry take a beautiful, albeit extremely unexpected twist into a beautiful and elaborate design. And I look back, I realize how vital some random things were, and how other things that, at the time, I thought might be important, weren't half as important as I thought they were.

Last night my boss asked me a question about my personal life. He is like a big brother to me, we talk about a lot of things; he's helped me in many ways. But last night, those 4 little VERY unexpected words that came out of his mouth caused my heart to leap in a way that I haven't felt since.... well anyways.

And a good hour later, when we were still on the same subject (a subject which has to do with me and another person) --- he turned to me and said, "You know. I don't know what the crap is compelling me to talk to you about this."

Because he was talking to me about a ship that has already sailed in my life. A book that I had firmly closed. And while the conversation was fascinating, it's also been frustrating.... because it's made my heart remember things that I had forgotten. Things that were a relief to forget.

And so I sit and ask myself: is this conversation coincidence? Nothing more than a random walk down memory lane?

Or was something compelling him to ask because I need to think about it again?

It doesn't matter really, cause I won't know till later. And that's actually a relief in this case.