Saturday, September 11, 2010

Add 4 Ounces of Humility....

I'm not sure why, but for the last few days I've felt a bit melancholy. I think it's in part because there are a few people that I really miss spending time with... and I wish I could stop thinking about them... but... *sigh.* Anyways.

There is a bigger reason for my feelings though: I've realized that the Lord trusts me way too much. I accepted a calling tuesday -- and technically I'm not supposed to say what it is until after I'm sustained tomorrow. But seeing as no one will be reading my blog tonight probably, I don't feel too bad giving a hint: think of the worst possible scenario. Yup. That's right. That's me. And I actually said I'd do it. Meh.

My last post I talked about how I was grateful to be able to see the Lord's hand leading my life. And I meant every word -- but I am really wishing that he didn't trust me quite so much. I'm definitely not good enough for this. Not even close. I know, I know -- I've just got to trust him and follow the Spirit and he'll magnify me if I do my very best. Ok... yeah, I KNOW it'll work out. But knowing that isn't going to stop me from feeling inadequate.

I've realized that I've been way too selfish in my life for the past while. And I mean WAY too selfish. Therefore: now it's time to quit thinking about myself. I think that's what he's going to teach me next. In fact, I can almost hear him saying, "Haha kiddo... You're kinda proud and selfish, so let's line you up for the humility and service lessons next. Good luck!" I know I need to stop focusing on what I need and what I want and how to get it; I need to start focusing on other people, what the Lord wants me to do and how to serve.

Unfortunately knowing that is the easy part -- doing it is the rough part.

So: say a little prayer for me will ya? I need all the help I can get.

2 comments:

Snoopy said...

Geez, now you have me guessing... I know what MY worst possible scenario would be, but it's probably different for you... haha. But, seriously, just keep praying, because God never gives a calling that the person can't do, and do well. I was terrified to teach RS over the summer, and I ended up loving it. It's a chance to focus on His plan for you and how you can do His work for Him. :) You can do it girl!

Chess said...

Relief Society President? My roommate just got called to be that. If that's it, good luck and I know you can do it. If that's not it, well, good luck and I know you can do it! I always think that callings are an adventure and kind of fun in their scariness. I know I was super blessed to be an FHE Mom. :) I sure wouldn't be the person I am today, had it not been for that calling! I've never regretted saying yes. I know the Lord will bless you and you will be able to do all that's required of you!