Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Somedays....

Do you ever just KNOW something is right... but even though you know it, you still doubt it?

Why is it that I can feel deep in my bones that something is right, and will happen one day, and yet I still doubt it until it actually happens? Why is my faith lacking?

If you are close to me you will have probably heard my 'someday' spiel. Bascially I believe that life is full of "somedays." These are the days that you dream about your whole entire life... but they aren't ever actually supposed to happen.

For instance: The day you get your drivers license. Your first date. Your first kiss. Graduating from high school. Graduating from college. Turning 21. The day you get engaged. Your wedding day. The day your first child is born.... and the list can go on and on.

These are days we all wonder about. We dream about them, plan them, wait for them, and wish that they would come...

And then they come, and we are in shock. We've dreamed about them for so long, that we have begun to disbelieve that they will actually happen. And then the day after, we stop and think 'Wow... did that really just happen? That's so weird!" Because those days are 'somedays'. They are nice to dream about: but you aren't ever actually supposed to get to them.

I think as we grow up we become a little less enthralled with 'somedays.' We experience a few of them, and we watch our friends go through them, and we realize that 'someday' is an actual day, and it will actually happen to us. And then we get a little bit antsy I think. And we wonder when. And then if you are me, and you think you know how you want a particular 'someday' to go, you become impatient.

And then impatience brings doubt. You know your day will come. But you don't believe it. Why is that? Why is that I can know it, and yet still secretly doubt?

I've come to realize lately that faith is very much a decision. A choice. It's not a feeling. It can be accompanied by a wonderful feeling... but feeling doesn't determine faith. When I choose to have faith that the Lord will give me my 'someday' in a better way than I can ever plan for then I am so much more at peace. But it's an uphill battle... let me tell you.

3 comments:

Unknown said...

I totally agree... when those 'somedays' happen, it feels a bit surreal as if it's an almost out of body experience...

But yep, faith is definitely a decision, a hard one at times but always the right one :). Keep dreaming and believing!

♥ a.

Taylor said...

You captured this perfectly. :) Your musings are always so interesting. And I completely agree. Even though we are in different situations we are both looking forward to a someday and can't attain it quite yet. I doubt quite often, but I need to have more faith too that everything will work out for the best. It's so hard, but that's what friends are for, right? :)

Snoopy said...

Yeah... mmhmm... haven't I talked to you about not posting my thoughts on your blog? :P I too know what you mean. It's scary wanting something so, so badly, and having it be so uncertain. Faith is so much harder than it sounds sometimes. Especially the kind of faith that allows you to trust things will work out, but let go of your ideas on how they should. Because that's just plain hard! And I'm so bad at it... but life's about growing, right?