Announcement:

I have a new rice cooker!!! Courtesy of my fabulous Uncle David.

I am SOOO excited. I googled the location of the nearest Asian market this morning. Sticky rice and rice flour are the top two items on my shopping list.


Real rice to follow :) Who wants to join me?!

I haven't died.

I've just been hunting for a good story to tell....

I'm back in America! Which you prolly were already quite aware of. 

Be back soon :)

What if?

Tonight I was thinking about Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music. You remember that part right after the intermission? Reverend Mother tells her that she has to go back and 'face her fears.' So she shows up only to learn that the man she's in love with is engaged to be married to someone else.

Of course he becomes un-engaged shortly thereafter and comes to propose to her instead... but I was thinking. Julie went back. What do you think she was planning on doing when she realized that her hopes for ending up with the Captain were dashed? Go back to the convent? Puhleeze. We all know she wouldn't really be happy there. I mean really? What would she have done if it weren't the movies and he hadn't come to his proper senses?

This question has been bothering me. I hope you have an insight you can share.

Piece of Journal Entry Dated August 28, 2011

It’s true that the most important moment we have is the one we’re living right now. The past is past. We’ve lived, made mistakes, triumphed some, and hopefully learned a little. The future should be prepared for, but it isn’t here yet. My dear friend is always citing the motto ‘Viva la Vida’ - live the life. We only get each moment once. And each of us has only one life to life. I don’t know about you, but I’d like to make mine as beautiful as I can. I’d like to be able to look back when I’m old and feel content with the life I’ve lived, knowing that I didn’t waste any part of it waiting for something to happen to me. I’d like to happen to the world instead.

Dilemma:

My roommies are trying to talk me into getting a Chinese fish. Which is slightly odd considering we only have 2 weeks left here in China. But whatever.

The thing is: as awesome as it would be to have a Chinese fish (my roommates have pre-named him and everything) --- I just don't know that I feel good about betraying Fender in that way.

Thoughts?

Cookie Cutter

Tonight I managed to root through an apartment and classroom and find enough food to make a snack for 48 children tomorrow. Which is no mean task considering the fact that our apartment usually has next to no food in it.

And so. As I stood over our table, ladling spoonfuls of jello into cups and peeling clementines, I contemplated. Call me egotistical, but I was contemplating myself. And I didn't know whether to be disgusted or proud.

Not to toot my own horn, but 'the bubble' I grew up in has managed to produce the cookie cutter image of a future housewife. I'm a special ed degree with a current teaching license. I cook. (Rather well I might add.) I clean. (After three summers working custodial, I can clean anything.) I sew. (Quilts, clothes, pillows.... you name it.) Function well on little sleep. Do hair. (6 younger sisters....) Understand RS. Play the piano. And yeah. You're getting the picture.

So yes. I contemplated. And I didn't come to a solid conclusion. Am I solidly accomplished? Or simply just too cookie-cutter-esque? Perhaps both?

I'm afearing it's a distinct possibility. Guess I'll have to keep working on diversifying my repertoire. 

Tiana and the Beast

So I'm kind of a Disney girl. Which shouldn't come as a surprise to you. And so I like Disney conversations. Which also shouldn't come as a surprise :)

So Saturday we were sitting on a bus coming home from the underground market, which is a long bus ride. And when you stick 5 of us girls together, who all happen to be Disney fans, we end up with some fun conversations.

It started off with some Princess-typing. (Which for those of you who aren't aware: is when you figure out the answer to the question 'If we were all Disney Princesses/heroines who would we each be?') Princess typing can be a muchly fun past time. Especially when you start analyzing personalities and really getting into it. It becomes especially amusing when you follow the unwritten rule that no one gets to pick their own type. You have absolutely no say in who you end up being.

So yes. We decided after some extensive debate which princess was which. We had some slightly less than happy with the results sort of people... but life is tough. BUT THEN. Then it got even more fun... because someone decided that it should not stop at princess-typing. In fact, we went simply hog-wild after that and decided that next we needed to pick which princes would be ideal for each of us. And that... oh man. So fun.

In case you are curious as to the results:

GIRL = PRINCESS/HEROINE ..... IDEAL PRINCE/HERO

Megan = Snow White ..... Eric from the Little Mermaid

Emma = Megera ..... Captain Phoebus from Hunchback of Notre Dame

Elizabeth = Ariel ..... Aladdin 

Anna = Pocahontas ..... Phillip from Sleeping Beauty

Krystal = Tiana ..... Beast (aka Adam) from Beauty and the Beast

I could break down the extensive decision making process for you... but you might just fall asleep if you aren't as big of Disney fans as we are. So I will just assure you that each of these decisions actually make total sense.... in a weird sort of way. Despite the interestingness of the couple matches... haha.

Good times. Good times :)

Soul Searching

I've been thinking a lot lately.

And writing letters. These take the form of thoughtful e-mails, scribbled postcards, word documents frantically typed....

some sent. Some not.

Because when you are in China, away from everything, seemingly life itself even, you have a lot of time to examine things. Yourself. Your life. What you want. What you dream about. Things you didn't know you were grateful for.

You also realize who you miss. Who you are homesick for. Some people you expected to feel the pangs for --- others take you by surprise.

Also. You think about the fact that the future is your own to decide. I've been put here in China with 6 of Heavenly Father's beautiful daughters. We just got stuck together. I love them. I'm learning a lot from them. And being with them, as well as pondering my other roommate situations, has caused me to think about the difference between choosing to be stuck with someone, and just getting stuck. And while sometimes getting stuck with someone can be a huge blessing... it's nice to know that when it comes to eternity I get to choose the people I'm stuck with. Well... one of them at least.

I'm also grateful to realize that I can get along with just about anybody if I choose to. Which I rarely choose not to.

So yeah. I've had a lot of time to think about the people that are most important. People who I want to be stuck with forever. People who maybe don't matter quite as much as I thought they did.

I've also had time to think about what the crap I want to do when I get home. Who I want to be with. What I want to do. And sometimes... well... most of the time, thinking about it makes me so confused.... but not in a necessarily frustrating way. Just in a "I don't know what the crap will happen... but that's actually surprisingly ok" sort of way.

So yeah. Being in China has been good for me. For lots and lots and lots of reasons. But one of the big ones: I've had time to let my need to plan ever aspect of my life down to the last detail soften. I've realized that sometimes God doesn't expect us to hammer down the details of our lives 4 years in advance. Sometimes it's ok to not know. To trust. To find yourself suddenly in a situation you weren't expecting, but that by coping with can bring you great blessings.

Isn't it funny how becoming so confused can also make me discover a part of myself that I didn't really know before?

One Day More

If you could relive one time in your life, what would it be?

Would it be the perfect day? That one that left you crying at night because of how simply beautiful life was...

Would it be that week when everything seemed to go your way? When you overcame something hard, smiled with friends... stayed up late at night, laughing until your stomach hurt...

And if you could relive that moment, that week, day, month, hour, whatever it is.... would it be as sweet? More sweet? Less so?

Occasionally God gives me times when life is perfect. I'm completely contented and happy. And even though I know that such times cannot last long, I am grateful for them. Because they give me something to strive for. Because each time life has become that way it's been because I've worked hard and followed the Spirit. Sometimes when life gets rough I need to remind myself how beautiful life is. How delicious those times taste. God wants to give me those moments.

I'm excited for my next one.

Love Love Love

This song. For multiple reasons. That's all. 

I think today....

I'll go to China.

Sound like a good idea to you?

Yup. China. Seems like a happening place to be. Ha!

So yes. Today is the long awaited day my friends. I am braving the unknown, heading into a completely crazy sitamacation, and I'm so excited. SO SO excited. I'll be there for the next 4 months.

It's kinda crazy how life turns out sometimes. When I stop and think about how everything has fallen so perfectly together to allow me this opportunity-- I can't deny that it's what the Lord wants me to be doing now. I'm all packed, I'm pumped, and I am ready to go. The only thing I'm not ready for is saying goodbye to my family. That one will be tough.

I've created a special blog for my Chinese adventuring. krystalinchina.blogspot.com. I'll be posting pictures and updates of my adventures. Therefore: this blog here you are reading might feel a little bit neglected for the next few months. I'll probably still pop in to muse occasionally, but if you'd like to read about Chinese adventures, and you are getting frustrated that they aren't showing up here -- you'll need to head on over to my other site.

Goodbye for now my friends! Or as they say in China: ZAI JIAN!

Foolish Pride

Sometimes I feel simultaneously as if I'm too old and too young. Like an awkward teenager during her growth spurt. All of a sudden my body is big. All of a sudden I can reach things and go places and have privileges I've never had before.... and I start to think I'm pretty hot stuff. People are kind and tell me nice things about yours truly. I let it go to my head.... and I start to think that I can conquer the world all by myself.

And then in one moment, I trip. And as I lay on the metaphorical sidewalk assessing my minor bruises (that don't feel so minor in the moment) --- I realize that I'm still a little girl.  And my pompous and rather foolish prideful behavior and attitudes are really just a mask for the child inside who is trying to prove something that she shouldn't need to and (quite frankly) can't prove. 

I am such a hypocrite. 

I could sit here and tell you all the blasted reasons that I have which compel me to try to prove I can be completely independent..... I could show you the countless times I've spurned help, or barely accepted it and only because I've consoled myself by thinking that I'm 'allowing' the other person to give service.... and then I'll turn around and tell everyone with conviction that God put us here to help each other, and that no one can make it by his or herself. I'll sit up at night wishing that the world wasn't 'leaving me behind' --- and then I'll get up in the morning and do everything I can to convince myself and the world that I want to be left behind.

So I guess this post is a confession. And an apology. Mostly to God, but also to all the people have been hurt by my pride. Myself included. I've been a coward. 

Luckily God is good at humbling the proud. And I will try to do better. You'll probably need to be patient with me though, because for me it's going to be a very long road, and a very uphill battle.... 

Fat Face

It hurts.

And when I told Alyssa that I was finding out what it's like to be ugly, her 'consolation' came in the sentence: "Oh Krystal, you're not ugly.... you're just deformed."

Oh how I love honest friends. They make bad situations so much funnier :)

Papa Hugs

My Papa gives the best hugs in the whole world. It has always been my firm belief that there is absolutely NOTHING that a Papa hug cannot help make better.

Papa is my Mother's Father. This afternoon I got a hug from him before I left his house. I got back in the car to drive home, and as I raised my arm to wave I caught a distinct whiff of his cologne. I grinned from ear to ear, because Papa hugs often linger in this way. I can't think of a single person in the whole world whose cologne I would rather have stick to me. Not that there aren't numerous yummy smelling men in this world, but none of their smells makes me feel even remotely as secure as the smell of a Papa hug does.

One day when I meet a man who can hug 1/2 as well as my Papa --- I'll be a goner. Toast. Head over heels for a man who can hug. Hehehe.

Do you believe in coincidence?

They say hind-sight is 20/20. When I look back at my life I never cease to marvel how even small things wove themselves into the fabric of my story, and have made the tapestry take a beautiful, albeit extremely unexpected twist into a beautiful and elaborate design. And I look back, I realize how vital some random things were, and how other things that, at the time, I thought might be important, weren't half as important as I thought they were.

Last night my boss asked me a question about my personal life. He is like a big brother to me, we talk about a lot of things; he's helped me in many ways. But last night, those 4 little VERY unexpected words that came out of his mouth caused my heart to leap in a way that I haven't felt since.... well anyways.

And a good hour later, when we were still on the same subject (a subject which has to do with me and another person) --- he turned to me and said, "You know. I don't know what the crap is compelling me to talk to you about this."

Because he was talking to me about a ship that has already sailed in my life. A book that I had firmly closed. And while the conversation was fascinating, it's also been frustrating.... because it's made my heart remember things that I had forgotten. Things that were a relief to forget.

And so I sit and ask myself: is this conversation coincidence? Nothing more than a random walk down memory lane?

Or was something compelling him to ask because I need to think about it again?

It doesn't matter really, cause I won't know till later. And that's actually a relief in this case.