It kind of scares me...

...when Heavenly Father lets me have what I want.

Purple is as Purple does

I made a really really cool tie-dye t-shirt at the family reuinion this past weekend, and in the process turned my hands completely purple. It was kinda cool... but it took about two days for my hands to return to normal.

Because I am a rather scatterbrained individual, I wore the shirt to FHE tonight - we were playing water kickball. I didn't do too shabby.... I even made it all the way around the bases, slid into home, and then turned completely purple. Yes- I neglected to wash and dry the t-shirt after making it.

I got home and the first thing my Mom said was "Well, at least we know with you around we'll never get bored...."

It's probably the most blond moment I've had in years. I pulled off my shirt when I got home and I looked like I had fallen down the stairs and then been beaten. Almost my entire body was purple - my left thigh, stomach, back, chest, arms, hands, and neck - I did a good job of it.

So I was trying to make the most of my situation by coming up with a good story to tell everyone at work tomorrow (as to why I was purple)- while I climbed in the shower. I figured it definitely couldn't hurt to try and get it off... so I grabbed a bottle of rubbing alcohol and wash cloth and hopped in. The rubbing alcohol has blessed my life- it got all the purple off! (Well almost, part of my arm still looks slightly discolored.) Granted, I probably smell like I'm drunk- but at least I'm purple free :)

So I have a new testimony of rubbing alcohol. And my own idiocy. I could try to blame it on my lack of sleep or something, but I don't think that quite cuts it. Bascially my Mom was right - she'll never have to worry about being bored while I am around.

Acid Free Paper!

So I went to family reunion today... and was pretty much blown out of my mind.

First off... I had like, 6th cousins there. Weird. And apparently the Livingston family is run like a business. Actually, it is pretty much a business. There are 9 board members, (we voted in three today,) and they organize family reunions, family history and geneology, have quarterly meetings, count minutes, take donations... basically they go the whole nine yards. After a family meeting where we toured the family website, we had two guest speakers, (if I'd known what I was getting into I wouldn't have shown up till the very end) - the first speaker, (I didn't listen to the second one) talked about family records, writing histories, and preserving photos. He got very excited about how important acid free paper is. Apparently everything is bad for photos except acid free paper. You shouldn't display them, write on them, cut them, touch them, have them in color, or look at them. You should print them in black on white on acid free paper, and store them. Or you can back them up on lots of CD's and copy them onto multiple computers. Go figure.

Needless to say, I slept through most of the 'meeting.'

My cousins finally showed though and we had a blast. We jumped outside on the blow up slide and jump house, learned how to do some scottish dancing, and ate ice-cream. Basically Stephanie and I are the best scottish dancers ever! I wish everyone could have seen our mad sliding skills.

So I guess the speech about acid free paper was worth the last half of the reunion.... right? :) I love my cousins. They are so much fun to be around!

Weight of Dreams

This song pretty much describes how I'm feeling right now, so instead of trying to explain I'm just going to post the lyrics:

"When the weight of all my dreams, is resting heavy on my head, and the thoughtful words of help and hope have all been nicely said... but I'm still hurtin', wonderin' if I ll ever be the one I think I am.

I think I am.

Then you gently re-remind me that you've made me from the first, and the more I try to be the best, the more I get the worst; and I realize the good in me is only there because of who you are.

Who you are...

and all I ever have to be is what you've made me. Any more or less would be a step out of your plan. As you daily recreate me, help me always keep in mind, that I only have to do what I can find. And all I ever have to be.... all I have to be.... all I ever have to be.... is what you've made of me. "

I GOT A JOB!!

Ok.... it's official. God knows what's better for us than we do. I've had a devil of a time finding job, and I had to look for over a month, but I finally got one and it's better than I could have ever dreamed. I'm working on the cleaning crew at the Fieldhouse at BYU, which in and of itself is not that exciting... especially since I may kill myself trying to make it on time to work every morning at 4 AFRICAN AM!! But: I'm getting more hours than I probably would have anywhere else, it's flexible, and I'm getting a STATS course out of the way which will keep me on track for graduation.

If I had gotten my way I would have found a job a month ago, and been working some 30 hour a week, lower paying job and not taking this class.... but thankfully God has a way of saving me from myself. The only way I could get the job was to take a class, and luckily I had one that I was supposed to take but didn't because it was too expensive online: coincidence? I think not!

I am grateful that sometimes Heavenly Father doesn't give me what I think I want or need. He gives me something better. Isn't he great?

Rock Climbing

So last saturday I went rock climbing for the first time ever. It was so much fun :D. And we didn't go to a quarry, we went outside, which made it all the better.

This is my point of view looking up towards all the people who decided to go on a mini hike.... It was a pretty sweet view.

This is Bennett.... he was trusting enough to let me hold his life in my hands while he was the lead climber, and then he saved me from killing myself while I tried to climb up the rock. Thanks :) This is him probably laughing at my attempts to get myself over the 'hard spot.' It probably wouldn't have been that bad if I were more adept at climbing... but I wasn't quite tall enough.... drat mother nature.

This is me.... at approximately the place where I got stuck. I didn't do too badly for a first timer though I don't think.... and I had a ton of fun.

Desire

I have a rhetorical question for the world:

Why is it that it is possible to want two opposite things at the same time?

Big Deal

I was thinking tonight about some things that are a 'big deal' in my life. And I was thinking about how each person is blessed with different weaknesses and challenges. I think that sometimes when one person struggles with something that is another person's strength, the person with the strength has a tendency to brush off their friends weakness as 'no big deal.' Phrases such as "Toughen up," "Grow up," "Get over it," and of course, "It's not that big of a deal," are then used as "advice" for the person with the weakness.

Isn't it interesting that God never does that? When we kneel before him and say, 'Heavenly Father, this really matters to me. I am struggling.' He doesn't say "Well kiddo, this trial is good for you, toughen up." Instead he says, "My child, I love you and will help you. You won't be alone." He doesn't make light of anything that we feel is a big deal, because what matters to us matters to him.

This principle doesn't just apply to areas of weakness or struggle, it also applies to the things we are happy or excited about. When we go to Heavenly Father and tell him all about the small joys we find in life he doesn't laugh at us and say "That's a silly thing to be excited about." He rejoices with us! Because his goal is to help us be happy.

I am grateful to know that Heavenly Father cares about me, and he cares about all my private joys, sorrows, struggles and triumphs. I am grateful to know that he is willing to help me, even if my problems are "small." I am glad that he listens and reassures me of his love and support when I am struggling. I hope that I can be more like him and never make light of something that someone else is struggling with, even if it doesn't seem like a 'big deal' to me.

I love life! Life loves me! Everything in the world makes me happy!

I just want everyone to know that life is wonderful.

And I love summertime :)

I have a dense head

Remember that show from a very long time ago... there was a catchy and slightly obnoxious song that they would sing whenever that show started... "Where in the world, is Carmen San Diego?"
Well... right now I'm feeling like singing "Where in the world, should Krystal really be?" I never knew where Carmen San Diego was because I didn't watch the show... in fact the only thing I really remember is the song, and maybe pictures on postage stamps??? But anyways... I never knew where she was, and I'm wondering how I'm going to figure out if I'm where I am supposed to be.

I guess I'm clueless all around.

I'm a spoiled little girl. I'll freely admit it. And I still want a lot of things. I was super nervous about coming home for the summer, but a few things have started to click and I'm feeling like I am where I should be. The problem is... am I where I should be? Or am I not listening anymore because I've decided that this is where I want most to be?

The way I see it... God gives us feelings to help us when our logic runs out. They are pretty good indicators most of the time... feelings of comfort, peace, serenity... they help us know where to go right? Well... is it possible to feel right about two conflicting possibilities? Is it ok to want two things, even when you are almost positive that you can only have one... is it ok to hope for both?

In first Nephi ch. 6, Nephi states that the fullness of his intent is to help people come unto Christ.... I've been thinking a lot lately about what my intent is, and what it is that God want's me to be doing with my life. I'm ready to turn it over to him, I want him to show me where to go becuase I know that giving him the steering wheel in my life will make me the most happy... the problem is that I'm not very good at listening yet. I feel good about being in Mapleton for the summer, the thought of picking up and going off somewhere else to find a job feels uneasy. But am I just scared to listen? I know the Lord will take care of me if I follow him, but I'm having a devil of a time finding a job here. I know I need to just be patient, he's teaching me that things don't always happen on my timetable, but it makes me worry that I'm messing up.

Perfect Fit

I moved home to Mapleton today, and while I am thrilled to be home.... in a way I'm not.

I don't want to say I've outgrown home, because I haven't.... it's just that 'my spot' isn't entirely here anymore. I miss Logan already. I guess it's ironic really, as soon as I start to think of Logan as 'home' I move back to my other home.

Tonight I was feeling kind of lost and overwhelmed. I have so much to do: unpack, organize my things, figure out which things go in storage and what I have to make room for in my closet, find a job, start working a job, figure out when/if/how I am going to visit my Dad and other family this summer, figure out where I'm going to church on sunday, figure out what my parents are going to want me to do this summer... and the list goes on. I was getting out of my car tonight after picking up my sister, and I looked up at the stars and told Heavenly Father that I didn't fit. In that moment he gave me a very tender mercy. He told me that he created those stars for me, he loves me, and that I fit in his love, so it doesn't matter where I go or who I am with. If ever I need to feel Father's love I like to look at the stars, I don't think it's possible to look at them and not feel part of his love for me. I fit perfectly in my Heavenly Father's love, and that is more important than feeling like I'm in the 'right' physical location.

Now I don't want to make it sound like I'm not excited to be home, I really am. I love my family and I'm so excited to spend time with my Mom this summer that I can hardly stand it. I have lots of plans for myself: I want to get invovled with family history, go hiking, swimming, biking, and play some other sports. I want to climb trees and rocks and jump on the trampoline. I want to find a few good jobs and try to make some money so that I afford my own rent next year. I want to play with some friends from BYU and visit dear friends who are still in Mapleton. Maybe if I get really lucky I'll get to go on at least one date.... tee hee.

Done!!

As of this afternoon I am done with finals!!!!!

I feel so great right now :) Although I do sympathize with all those who are still plugging away at it.

Just thought ya'll would like to know =D

Assistive Technology

I've been working on this project for my AT class... and have been having WAY too much fun:

This is me while I completely covered myself with wood shavings... you couldn't even see my skin! But I had fun using the power tools..... he he he.

It fell apart.... and took us a good 15 minutes... if not longer... to put back together. If you are ever modifying a calk gun DO NOT let the springs fall out. If at all possible don't let the rod come out either.... or else you WILL regret it. I will say we finally did get it back together and we were all so happy we jumped up and gave a cheer. This is Stan helping me try to get it back together...

He gave up and left the three of us to fend for ourselves. I'm the one on the left, Lyndsay is in the middle and Raelyn is on the right. We got it all by ourselves....eventually :)

After we got our first prototype put together we went trekking across campus to the institute building to test our device. Lyndsay insisted I push her in a wheelchair and then proceeded to be difficult... the pill :)

Later when we went back to test it again we took motorized scooters :). Lyndsay and I shared... and she tried to kill me once by running into a door, and then later when that didn't succeed she tried to cut my hip and thigh off by ramming them into an elevator.... I'm warning anyone who ever drives with her.... be careful!

So these probably won't make much sense if you don't know what my project was. The brief explanation is: we built a coin machine gun for a guy in a wheelchair. If you want to know more about it.... just ask :) I'll talk your ear off.

And who ever said school is boring? Tee hee, they were wrong! I love it!

Unsettled

Does the Lord keep us unsettled on purpose?

Someone told me once that nothing is as constant as change, and I thought I understood... but I'm beginning to see that just as I think I've got things where I want them, just when I'm headed in a direction that I'm excited about, just when I think I finally get it, things change.

The school year is about to end, and I'm enjoying myself more now than I think I have all year. I've found some wonderful friends, I've become a bit more outgoing, I love being independent and making choices for myself, I've gotten the hang of cooking for one... I finally figured out how to carve my own niche and now everything is going to be flipped upside down when I move home. I'm not ready for it.

Would you like to know what else I'm not ready for? I'm not ready to decide what the heck I want to do with the rest of my life. For some reason I've developed this sudden interest in Occupational Therapy... and I'm not sure if I want to switch major's becuase I don't like my major, or if it's because I'm just sick of this semester and one class in particular, or if it's because Heavenly Father is trying to tell me to switch my course.... gish. I wish I were a better listener and understander. I don't know if I should be going and talking to a counselor, or if I should try to job shadow this summer, or if I should stick with my current major for one more semester...
Life is awfully confusing.

Update

I am happy. And life is pretty good at the moment. Which is really starting to scare me.